Continued Your Hand In Mine
by Rooonie
Summary: theaugustrain's "Your Hands on Mine" is a lovely AU Paily fic. Emily and Paige are roommates in college, struggling to find a place on campus and fighting to understand their own mutual attraction. I loved the fic, but it hasn't been updated in a year! So, i had to write some little thing to hold us over...
1. Love is Like a Bottle of Gin

i was super self-indulgent and changed all the chapter names to song titles... hope you don't think i'm too much of a nerd. let me know if you don't think a song makes sense with a chapter? also, i've *almost* got the next (14th) chapter done.

* * *

_Summary of events between where theaugustrain stopped and I started my work: _

_On the night of Emily's third date, Samara and her share their first 'make out' session in Samara's car._  
_That night, Paige finally tells her dad that she rejected the PSIA. She indicates wanting to change majors. Her father berates her over the phone, leaving her angry and sobbing on the floor of their dorm. She throws her phone, punches a desk, just throws a Paige-like fit._  
_Emily enters the room after her date with Samara. Paige, of course, tries to alienate her, but Emily won't let it happen. She finally cheers Paige up, she reassures her that she is doing the right thing._  
_ Emily and Paige concoct a plan, that involves Paige visiting Rosewood before the end of winter vacation._  
_Emily decides that they were going to have the absolute best end of the term in history._

**_This Weeken__d_:**  
_Friday during the day: Emily and Samara return from a dinner date and are making out in the car. Things move a little too fast and Emily stops it. Samara is kind and understanding. Emily tries, sweetly, to casually ask if they are 'girlfriends' now. Samara scoffs at the idea of labels and limitations, making Emily feel juvenile and insecure._  
_Emily goes along with the idea, disappointed and a little crushed. She is worried that yet another girl is playing with her emotions._

_**Now:** Friday Night: Emily and Paige decide to attend series of parties together, all part of Emily's 'Best End of Term Ever" Plan._

* * *

"Did you ever read Stoppard?" Paige asked Emily, as they were getting ready. Paige was standing in front of her dresser, having just put on the right pair of skinny jeans to go with her awesome old man sweater,"'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead'?"

"Aren't they in "Hamlet"?" Emily inquired, shyly, hoping that she didn't get it wrong.

"Exactly!" Paige exclaimed with a bright smile. It made Emily feel good about knowing her Shakespeare, "But Tom Stoppard wrote this ridiculous play about those two characters," Paige explained, in a way that simply conveyed that she was excited to be able to talk about it. She stopped looking for accessories to add to her outfit and walked over to her bookshelf, "almost left this one at home," she mumbled to herself, still giddy about some idea. Emily couldn't help but be enthralled by the girl.

As Paige flipped through the book, Emily pulled out the vodka, the cranberry juice, and the Nalgene bottles that they had acquired for the evening.

"You want to mix these, McCullers? Or should I?" Emily asked. She wasn't exactly trained to eyeball a shot, but she had made the arrangements, and she was determined to follow through on her party-girl promises.

"Go for it, Em," Paige said casually, still distracted for whatever she wanted in that book. Then she looked up, looked straight at Emily with a smirk "And by that, I mean,_ do yer worst, Fields_," she growled it in a way that made Emily feel the imposing discomfort of wanting to cross the room and bite Paige. In the arm, on her neck, anywhere. Just to see what she'd do. Emily flushed, and got to work, trying hard to bury that idea in her mind, but finding that spot brimming with other, similarly troublesome thoughts.

Emily added as much vodka as she wanted. She thought she had been generous with the clear liquid, but by the time they actually got out of the room that night, they were both topping off their drinks with more.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Emily asked, trying to seem genuinely concerned.

"Do you have a map?" Paige replied with a smirk.

"Does your phone have GPS?" Emily asked back smiling.

"Shouldn't you know how? - oh.." Paige stopped herself because Emily was already laughing.

"Rhetoric! 5, 2," Emily giggled, giving Paige a little push so she stumbled off the walk.

"No-I-" Paige was about to protest. _Damn, Emily is way too good at this game alread_y, Paige thought, biting back a smile.

"6, 2," Emily continued to giggle, "Are you mad?" Emily asked.

Paige took the two big gulps she owed. She was surprised that she wasn't; she usually hated losing, and hated being teased. But seeing Emily jump around like a goofball... she was actually very very glad. Or very drunk. Probably both. "Are you drunk?"

"Is that legal?" Emily asked, faking real concern, so as to not violate the rhetoric rule.

"Are you a future lawyer?"

"Uh?" Emily was a little flustered. She wanted to claim non-sequitur, but it did follow. She didn't think Paige would remember that her parents had been pushing her towards law school.

"Yes! 3,6!" Paige did a happy little jump. "Are we here?" Paige indicated the door. They had, indeed, arrived at Hannah's dorm.

"Is that the right number?" Emily asked. Crap, she knew the answer... to create a diversion from getting caught, she reached over and pinched Paige in the arm.

"Ow!"

"7, 3."

"Hey-!"

"8,3."

"No fair!"

"9,3."

Paige bit down on her tongue and decided to take all the drinks she owed, glaring at Emily the entire time, although she couldn't stop her mouth from smiling when Emily stuck out her tongue.

Emily's heart fluttered, she tried to pretend that it was the alcohol, but, in her guilty depths, she knew it was still just Paige.

There was music pulsing through the door of Hannah's pre-game party, so Emily decided they'd let themselves in. Hannah, Lenny and a bunch of other freshmen sorority girls, were rocking out and primping. There were shot glasses strewn through the room, and a closed, half full Bacardi 151 laying on its side.

Paige immediately felt awkward, as if she was in someone else's world. _Sorority girl world_, she thought. As girly as Pru might be, her nature usually led them to rooms full of boys.

"You came!" Hannah exclaimed, embracing them simultaneously, causing their bodies to bump together in a jumble of small sparks. All evening, they'd been walking _just_ apart, the occasional poke or hand brush. This sudden, forced, closeness, thrilled the drunk part of Emily, as the part of her that was still sober chided it. She noticed Paige linger, standing that much closer after Hannah let them go. That small social cue made Emily bold. In her fuzzy logic, she decided that she had no reason not to treat Paige differently than her other friends. They were friends now. And Paige had seen her around her friends. Surely, Paige now understood. Emily was just a cuddly person.

She put her hand on Paige's arm and replied, "Why wouldn't we? You girls ready to party?"

The room erupted in a chorus of woos, and Emily looked over at Paige with a smirk. Paige mouthed 'wooo' and pumped her fist in the air, making Emily giggle over this small, unnoticeable in-joke. Hannah introduced the girls around, pouring them shots.

"So, you coming with us to Andy's frat?" asked Liza, aka, the girl who brought the booze.

"Actually, we have rounds to make..." Emily half-explained. Paige was getting this small thrill from being clumped into a unit with Em. They had their own schedule for the evening, which meant that they had a valid reason to spend the whole time within sight or reach of each other. She wondered if she was taking advantage of Emily's kindness, what if Emily would rather be hanging out with these girls all night? Then again, the way Emily said we, and gently touched her arm... Paige was too happy to over-analyze. She was going to be the most fun possible person, just so Emily wouldn't regret choosing her.

Just then, Hannah got around to teasing Emily, "So, Em, how'd your hot date with Samara go?" She asked with a wink. Hannah seemed to think of Samara as Emily's steamiest girlfriend yet, which was probably true considering the easy, carefree nature of her time with Maya.

Emily really didn't want to talk about this. At all. Then again, Paige was here, looking encouraging, so she decided to just let it out. Emily cocked her head to the left, as if thinking about it. Honestly, the whole thing bothered her less than she thought it would. Maybe she was just numb after Maya, "She doesn't want to define our relationship. I'm not used to that kind of thing..." Emily admitted, bluntly.

"What? That's stupid," Hannah was outraged, "Who does she think is out there?"

"Well, she actually said it was because of me. Getting out of the relationship with Maya. Thought I'd need a little space before diving into something else. Like, she wouldn't want to be getting into something with..." _damaged goods,_ was all Emily could think, with a frown.

Paige immediately noticed Emily's sadness; she needed to stop it at all costs. "Whatever. You've got to lock that down. Amiright, Hannah?" Paige asked, putting a hand on Emily's waist and pulling her in slightly. Emily blushed deeply, luckily it went unnoticed. She wanted Paige's hand to stay there, for Paige to move her closer, push her against Hannah's desk and... Paige's hand moved away from Emily.

"You are right, Paige," Hannah laughed. Paige was kind of a weirdo, but Hannah was starting to think that she meant well when it came to Emily. Emily smirked over at Paige, the Arrested Development, Parks and Recs double-reference not lost on her. "She's probably just over thinking things. You probably intimidate her with your super hotness," Hannah added, patting Emily on the back.

Emily seriously doubted that, but she was willing to go along, "Yeah, clearly that's it," she conceded, finally drinking her shot.

Round two was picking up Pru, at Jacob's frat party. This would be athletes playing flip cup, which made Emily a little nervous. She hadn't hung out with jocks since her high school swim parties, and that was before she started dating Maya. And after that, she slowly stopped. Maya hated that crowd and it seemed like every swim party would end with them arguing. Emily remembered that Paige was pretty good at flip cup. She decided to challenge her to a round sometime.

* * *

The music got louder as they went down the dark wood stairs to the basement of the swimmer's fraternity house. It was all electric remixes of indie music. In the center of the buzzing room was a group of guys playing quarters at a some peppermint schnapps.

Paige felt indescribably compelled towards that pint of schnapps. "How much will you give me if I can get that peppermint schnapps from that bro?" Paige nudged Emily. Emily's eyes grew wide as she followed Paige's to the group. She felt an immediate pinch of jealousy. This guy obviously defined himself by the fact that he was a baseball player. He had his PSU cap on backwards like a major douche. Emily did not want Paige going over there and "getting" anything from him. "C'mon, buddy," Paige smiled back at her, already moving to the table. All Emily could do was look on in horror. But, instead of god-knows-what Emily was imagining she'd do; Paige walked up, slammed her fist on the table and looked right at him, "You in charge here?" She snarled like an old timey gangster.

Emily finally noticed Collin was also at the table, as he burst into laughter. "What's it to ya, McCullers?" the baseball player asked with a smirk. It began to dawn on Emily that Paige knew all these people. Paige gestured for Emily to join, and she did, still weary, realizing that sharing Paige's attention meant she was predisposed to dislike every one of them.

"I'm going to show Emily how I kick your ass at every single thing," Paige looked up and winked at Emily. Emily noticed that her cheeks were getting a little red from the booze._ You want in, Em_? Paige gestured with her cocking her head towards the table. Emily shook her head slightly, _nah_.

"And after I kick your butt, you're going to give me that schnapps," she growled at him. That growl, thought Emily, and her teeth began to tingle.

"Deal, McCullers," the guy was either too drunk, dumb or pleased to be talking to a hot girl to ask for anything in return if he won.

"You make this too easy, Jay," Paige shook her head as she slipped into the seat. Emily put her hand on Paige's shoulder, as a show of support, thinking nothing of it. Paige felt immediate warmth at the contact, like her drunkenness grew exponentially every time Emily touched her. As she drank more, she fell more boldly into the nudges and playful pokes. If Paige has been more sober, she would have realized that she had only two goals behind everything she did that night: 1) Make Emily laugh as much as possible and 2) Impress the crap out of Emily by acting as cool as possible. The two aren't mutually exclusive, however, somehow every time she attempted the latter, she ended up accomplishing the former.

* * *

The final party was the biggest one on campus, Emily knew that Hannah and her girls would be meeting them there. They walked with a group from the last place, including Pru and Jacob, who seemed to not notice anyone else in the group. She had her arm linked with Paige's as they walked along, Paige, brandishing her easily won peppermint schnapps. Emily and Paige occasionally made some joke or another and trying to knock each other off the sidewalk. "Question game, buddy?" Paige asked.

"What did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted to..."

"12, 4," Emily replied. Paige took a proud swig of her schnapps, handing it off to Emily, who did the same. It burned pleasantly down her throat.

They got to the dirty frat house. It was full of dancing co-eds, packed in like sardines. It seemed kind of gross and unsanitary to Emily, but she followed along. They easily lost Pru and Jacob to some corner where they danced against each other recklessly. Emily grabbed Paige's hand to navigate the crowd, looking for Hannah, wanting to check-in. But she lost that thought immediately. She remembered how well it fit, she grew warm, felt like squeezing tight and never ever letting go. Paige, noticing Emily stop, felt a shift in the feeling of the room. She was suddenly attached to the party, music, lust surrounding them. Then, she whirlled ...

"Hey Gurl!" All of a sudden Emily was detached from Paige, in a huge drunken embrace from Hannah. Lenny came up from behind, looking giddy, but slightly more sober.

"You having fun?" Emily asked with a laugh.

"SO fun!" Hannah exclaimed. They could barely hear each other, over the music, laughter and drunken slurred story telling happening around them.

"We were just heading out," Lenny chimed in. "Before one of us makes a bad boy decision," Lenny explained.

"Or a badboy decision," Hannah and Lenny giggled.

"Its 2 AM, Hannah... What are we supposed to do?" Lenny asked, in a teacher tone.

"Get laid or go home!" Hannah replied. Paige laughed and Emily stomach just fell as they followed Hannah and Lenny towards the door. Emily tried to push away the part of herself that desperately wanted to do both those things tonight.

Looking around, Emily began to realize that Lenny was right about 2 AM. 2 AM was couples grinding against each other. 2 AM was extreme, public, foreplay for most co-eds. Emily felt guilty. She wasn't going have much fun here. She looked over Paige, who was also looking around.

Paige noticed Collin, making his way through the crowd towards her. She needed them to bolt. Paige looked up at Emily and gestured a lets go, and they walked out.

"You girls going to make it back okay?" Lenny asked, with a bit of concern, Hannah dancing around to the residual beat beside her.

"Yeah, we're good," Paige assured her, feigning a bit of sobriety, for whose benefit, Emily couldn't tell.

* * *

After saying their goodnights, Paige and Emily began walking. It became clear that they were still giddy, telling jokes, taking swigs of the schnapps. Neither girl wanting to be at any party, but neither one of them wanted to end the evening by going home. The campus was abuzz tonight, it would be impossible to sleep with all the energy around.

The bottle ran out right as they passed the fountain. "Em, Its a sign," Paige exclaimed, pointing to the fountain. "I double dog dare you..." she said with a childish smirk.

"No freaking way," said Emily, even though she was already heading towards it. She took of her shoes and lowered her feet in. She sat with the cold stone against her bare thigh. She was too drunk to regret wearing a skirt on this crisp, yet still unseasonably warm night.

Paige sat next to her, rolling her jeans up and doing the same, seemingly content that they would save the swimming for another night. "You have fun tonight, Em?" Paige asked, a little shy.

Emily was about retort with a question, but noticed that Paige was being serious. As if she thought maybe Emily wasn't having a great time, "So much fun, Paige... You?"

"Way the best ever. Of my life!" Paige exclaimed throwing her hands up, so Emily would laugh. Paige could only tell the truth in jokes, she thought to herself a little sadly.

Paige got up, out of the fountain. She dried her feet with her sweater and put her shoes back on. Emily followed suit, not bothering to do it well. On the way to the dorm, Paige made some joke and nudged Emily. Instead of shooting back, Emily caught the side of the sidewalk and fell down in the cold grass, right onto her butt.

"Oh crap, are you okay Em?" Paige felt a huge amount of guilt, stumbling to help Emily. Just then, Emily grabbed the bottom of Paige's jeans and kicked her bare foot into the other girl's heel, causing Paige to fall on top of her. They were cushioned by the cold grass. Emily didn't even realize that she was hurt, she was just happy that she took Paige down with her.

Paige caught her bearings, "You're so mean for something so sweet," she exclaimed. Getting back to her knees. Emily did the same, starting to stand up, and immediately falling back. She was confused, she tried again. "Whoa, there champ," Paige caught Emily as she was about to fall back to the ground.

"Lets take a look at this ankle, shall we?" Before Emily could process what was happening, Paige had eased her back onto the grass.

"I'm fine, McPaige Cullers," Emily slurred, her face warming with embarrassment.

"I'm sure you are McFields," Paige thought about how idiotic that sounded as Emily laughed.

"How did we get this drunk?" Emily asked with some giggles. She was now supporting herself with her hands, she fuzzily noticed the dew and the cold of the water seeping through the butt of her skirt.

"Questions game, I'm sure," responded Paige. Emily's giggles settled as she looked up at the stars with a small smile. You could see them well from this part of the Quad, Emily was thinking. She could bet they'd be even better if they got out of the city. She thought of Paige taking her somewhere, she'd go anywhere with Paige, she thought with a smile.

"What are you smiling about?" Paige was looking at her curiously, thinking Emily was gorgeous, even when she was being utterly goofy.

Emily didn't respond, enthralled by the stars, that childish drunk-Emily smile that Paige adored.

Maybe she'd persuade Paige to take her camping? Emily had never been camping and found the idea of Paige's inevitable struggle with a tent amusing. Emily's head began reeling with the idea of sleeping in an even closer enclosed space with Paige. She had to stop, Emily told herself. This was exactly the wrong thing to think. Still, be it the booze or the stars, she let her eyes settle on the other girl.

Paige looked very serious, now. Brows furrowed, she was trying to focus, even though she was clearly drunk. Almost as drunk as Emily. She was doing something with her hands...

Suddenly, there was nothing else but Paige's hands, holding up Emily's bare foot. 'Oh,' was all Emily could think. Paige had taken off Emily's shoe and was pushing Emily's toes up with the ball of her hand. "That hurt, Em?" Emily could only shake her head 'no,' completely incapacitated. Her mouth was hanging open in awe at the gesture. It was so caring, so intimate, it amplified the tingling and stomach-flips that seem to always accompany unexpected contact with Paige.

"How about here?" Emily cringed and let out a tiny 'ow' when Paige rolled her foot to the left. "Okay, okay, maybe sprained? Not broken. Lets get you home, okay, buddy?" Paige replied, shaking her head with a teasing smirk.

"Ugh, stop calling me 'buddy'?" Emily smirked back, Paige had been reading Salinger that afternoon, tonight it was all "buddy this, and buddy that." Paige laughed.

They were only a block and a half away from their dorm, and she was watching intoxicated Emily struggling to get up. "You're hopeless, you know that?" Paige continued to tease, causing Emily to put on an exaggerated pout. Emily didn't know why being teased by Paige felt so good. Maybe because she knew it came from a place of love. Friend love, that is.

"RhetORIC-" Emily was stopped by the sound of her own voice screeching. Without thinking, Paige had reached one arm under Emily bent legs and the other under her back. Using her knees, Paige hoisted Emily into a carry.

"What the hell, McCullers?!" Emily let out a broad, drunkenly delighted laugh.

"C'mon, Bubba," Paige's Forrest Gump impression could have been better, but it still got Emily laughing.

"Worst. Forrest. Ever." Emily teased. Then Emily was silent for a few beats. Paige's heart started to race. The lull in conversation meant that she'd have to think about what she was doing. How she had touched Emily's bare foot. How she had wanted to kiss her smooth skin, and kiss her strong calf, the inside of her thigh. Now Emily's skirt was riding up with every step Paige took. Oh crap. Paige focused on not letting her body drop Emily. Finally, Emily let Paige know what was on her mind during their silence.

"Oh God, Paige. Bubba died!" Emily whaled with a sniff, "Why would you bring that up?!"

Paige burst out laughing, having to stop walking for a second and hike Emily up onto a better grip. "I didn't know that would get to you; at least I didn't bring up Wilson," Paige smirked. They had confessed to each other, weeks earlier about how both girls had cried and cried when Wilson floated.

Emily's arms were draped around Paige's neck and Paige could feel the air from Emily's chuckle against her cheek.

"I love you more than Tom loved Wilson," Emily whispered into Paige's ear, a bit wistful, mostly sarcastic. It started as a tingle on her earlobe and turned into a wave of heat through Paige's body. She felt a bit like her head was going to explode from the joy and agony of it all. Paige's mouth went dry and they both stayed silent as Paige ascended the steps of Brumbaugh. She used her student ID in her butt pocket to unlock the main door and then hit the handicap button so it would swing open.

_Cute butt_, was all Emily could think, and she flashed back to that Halloween night, and that outfit Paige had worn and she remembered all the guilt associated with the thought, but her mind was so fuzzy, that it was as if she were a hovering soul, like in the movies, watching her own guilt with a sort of bemused confusion. As they walked towards the dorm door, Emily let herself indulge in every part of being carried by Paige.

Each step Paige took, Emily counted a place where their skin was touching, each one sending a wave of heat and energy through her body._ One,_ Paige's upper arm under Emily's knees; _Two,_ her hand resting on Emily's hip, holding her in to Paige's chest, fingertips just barely touching the sliver of exposed skin where Emily's shirt was riding up; _Three,_ one Emily's arms around Paige's neck, at the soft hair just under her ponytail; _Four_, the other across her back, that Emily adjusted slightly to fall above the dip in Paige's top. _Five,_ Paige's hand against Emily's outer shoulder, _Six_, the top of Emily's inner shoulder against Paige's chest, just under her collar bone. _Seven,_ Paige's arm, a bit wet with sweat, against Emily's back, where her shirt dipped.

Wet, oh god Emily was wet. She flushed with embarrassment, but her mind wasn't done counting. _Eight,_ Emily settled her nose just below Paige's earlobe. Paige stopped in front of the door, but before she could put Emily down she felt the girls hand against her cheek.

"Nine," Emily said out loud, her eyes hazy and dreamy. Completely lost and completely drunk.

"Huh?" Paige's jaw dropped as she noticed the dark eyes looking up at her. Emily was no longer wistful or silly. She was dead serious, with a gut-flinging intensity. Paige had never seen anything like that look, the raging fire that was sweet Emily Fields. Her knees began to wobble, she couldn't feel her hands.

"Ten." Emily said, with resolve. Just like that, Emily leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met, pressed together. Paige could smell the wild raspberry lip gloss, and then she could feel it, sticky, holding them together. It was the sweetest, most life altering thing that ever happened to Paige. Emily's mouth opened, just so slightly, against Paige's mouth. With that, Paige's now-sweaty hands began to slip. She caught up to herself before dropping Emily completely, lowered the girl to the ground, breaking every point of contact, including their eyes.

Paige, reeling, began fumbling for the dorm keys, not daring to look up at Emily, whose hand was now supporting herself against the dorm wall.

"Crap," Emily whispered, her consciousness flooding back. Her soul plummeting back to guilt-ridden body.

"Don't worry, Drunk-Fields," Paige tried to answer cockily. Paige knew that kiss was because of the alcohol. She could hear all the regret in Emily's voice. She knew that Emily probably thought she was with some knock out like Samara or Maya, or even Allison. Not with ugly, failure Paige. There was no way Emily would have looked at Paige that way sober. She had said it herself, Paige was a friend, not Emily's type.

Paige put the key in the door, not looking up, although her body quaked a bit, having not caught up with the deprecation in her brain.

Had she looked up, she would have seen the look on Emily's face: guilt, pain and pleading. Emily was humiliated. She knew that Paige wasn't interested, the whole night wasn't them becoming closer, it was just them becoming drunker. She knew that this was going to ruin everything that she needed so much in this friendship. But, to see Paige shudder like that after kissing her. The idea that it was disgusting to the girl, was completely crushing. Emily was determined to blink away the oncoming tears. Whatever disaster was going to happen, it would happen. There was nothing else Emily could do and she ought to be ashamed to have ever getting herself into this position. She was certainly not going to be heartbroken. Not over a relationship that she never even had with Paige McCullers.

The lock clicked out of place and Paige pushed open the door. She had regained her composure, and was back to forcing a smile, "Okay, Bubba, lets get you to-" Paige finally looked up at Emily, and saw the tears forming in her eyes. Suddenly the pretense seemed totally out of place. Paige felt like such a fraud around Emily. Emily was going through something tonight, something scary and new, and all Paige could think about was her own, misguided lust.

"Hey," Paige's voice was soft, "what's wrong, buddy?" Paige asked with worry.

Emily wiped away her tears, "Nothing," she sniffed, "just- just way too drunk," she smiled a bit embarrassed, "A shitty day and now this," she indicated her leg, although it was so not about the ankle.

"God, I know, Em. I'm so sorry, this was supposed to be fun. Samara is such an idiot not to want to be your girlfriend. I know she'll come around," Paige consoled her. On one hand, Emily was glad Paige was going to pretend the kiss didn't happen. It was almost convincing, Emily could rest easy. Paige probably realized, by now, that Emily was occasionally attracted to her and she was being cool about it; not letting it ruin their awesome friendship. On the other hand, Emily hadn't thought about Samara once since they'd left the Hannah's.

Emily was now sitting in the middle of the floor cradling a glass of water. Paige was rifling through her desk, trying to find the First Aid kit with an Ace Bandage for Emily's ankle.

Paige returned and wrapped Emily's ankle quickly and methodically, careful not to touch Emily's skin more than necessary. She wasn't cold, but she certainly was not warm to Emily. Emily felt a little door click shut in Paige, it filled her with hurt. It seemed like Paige desperately wanted to get to the safety of her own bed, desperate to be nowhere close to Emily. After Emily was wrapped, Paige grabbed the water off the ground and took a couple huge gulps. It was natural, sharing things like that. Intimate in a way that most friends weren't, but Emily was happy to have the tiniest hope that those little things that made their friendship so incredible wouldn't change completely.

Both girls decided to sleep immediately upon getting into their respective beds, both dreading the thought process that would inevitably occupy rationalizing This Night.

Emily didn't want to think about how That Kiss was even better when compared to her three previous firsts. The hum, the fire, the electricity, were present. Plus, more. There was a safety in that place that Emily hadn't experienced before. Complete trust, a connection that made the whole ordeal painfully sexy. Emily bit into her tongue, trying not to think of what followed, trying not to start crying.

Paige could still smell Emily's lip gloss on her own lips. She barely grazed the corner of her lip with her tongue, just to taste Emily one last time. She could have licked it all off at once, but decided to ration it, just for tonight. She looked over at her alarm clock. Emily's parents would be here in the morning and Paige's flight was leaving in just under six hours.


	2. Electric Twist

_Edited. Added to. And, of course, Continued..._

* * *

Paige woke to a quick, muffled buzz followed in slow succession by not one, but, three more. She rolled herself over, wiped away eye gunk. It was 5:24 AM and her head felt like hell. She pulled herself out of bed, noticing Emily tucked into her bed, passed out, fully clothed in last night's outfit. Her eyes began to adjust as she chugged water and she heard the buzz again. Fuck, their room was a freaking disaster. Paige made her way over to Emily's side of the room to check her phone. The message light was blinking, it was Em's mom, her final message read:

_Honey, got a late start! ETA: 1 hour. Love!_

She felt last night's booze sloshing around her stomach in panic. She looked over to see Emily's clothes remained in her (adorable) "Pack" and "Maybe pack" piles. Why would Paige think they were adorable? They're clothes in freaking piles, Paige thought, as she started to fold and pack. She weeded through the "Maybes" as best she could, occasionally packing things that she, personally, liked on Emily, over clothes she hadn't seen on Emily.

Paige cleared clothes, and books off the floor, and stuffed them indiscriminately into closets. She rinsed and hid the scattered shot glasses, the bottle of vodka, even the Stoppard play... any evidence of their college debauchery was carefully placed where no visiting parent could ever think to look. She then took a shower and dressed quietly, applying the bare-minimum of makeup, which she hated. As absurd as it was to get dressed up for the airport, she knew that her father expected her to look presentable, lady-like even. Paige grabbed a couple books that Emily had wanted to read, adding Franny and Zooey, at the last second. She wrapped them all her favorite t-shirt, and tried to pretend she hadn't chosen it intentionally.

Paige came to terms with the fact that she had allowed Emily to sleep through this entire morning routine. She understood her actions could be attributed to three factors, only the third one could bare semblance to altruism (but, you'd still have to squint, she thought).  
Reason 1: Paige was scared shitless that Emily would remember The Kiss, and would freak out in some very calm, rational, Emily-like way, that would be even more harmful to Paige's self-esteem. Regardless of the gentle words Emily would say, she'd hate Paige for wanting her so blatantly. Everything would change.

Reason 2: Paige was more worried that Emily wouldn't remember The Kiss and, all of a sudden, this perfect, glorious moment would become dirty and wrong. Paige certainly had kissed Emily back, she'd taken Emily into her arms, had held the scantly clad girl, touching her... everywhere. Paige shuddered to think that Emily could look back on any of these things with shame. Again, everything good would change.

Reason 3: Emily was cute and she was asleep. She was so cutely asleep, that it would be universally wrong to wake her. Once awake, Emily would feel just as bad as Paige felt currently. Paige reasoned that all change could wait. Emily's phone buzzed again.  
_ETA: 30 min -Mom_

Time to bail, she thought to herself. Hesitating, she tucked the t-wrapped books to the bottom of Emily's bag, and wrote a note for Emily's bedside table. She reached across Emily's bed to set the girl's alarm. Dawn had broken and sunlight was escaping through the cracks of Emily's window shade, playfully illuminating Emily's brown skin. She looked perfect, even with mascara smudges under her eyes. Paige sighed, troubled, and remembered "the talk" her dad had forced her into. It was August, she knew that because she remembered the leaves turning. The insanely fat chipmunks of Ohio were frolicking with joy that fall. She was fifteen, and school had covered all the sex-related subjects. This was more serious, this talk with her dad, she could tell by the signature Nick McCullers brow-furrow:

_"I know you, Paige. You're smarter and stronger than any of those other girls who give in to..." he let it trail, waving his hand as if there was really no need to go into any uncomfortable details. Paige's mother died when Paige was ten. When puberty was on the horizon, her dad simply told her that she should not be ashamed and that she could find appropriate resources at the library. Paige hoped that-was-that, but here they were, talking about some hand wave that could cover everything from sex to cocaine. Paige smiled._

_"Dad, its fine. We really don't have to do this..." Paige mimicked his gesture, and he smiled. She'd never thought to defy her father. Each other was all they had; 'two peas in a pod,' he used to joke._

_"No, kiddo. The thing is, its more than just the stuff they tell you in school." He adjusted his tie. "You have a responsibility to behave in a way that reflects well on the McCullers." By that he had to mean himself and her, Paige thought with confusion: Her grandpa in Tennessee surely wouldn't care if she made out with some guy... "I know you will make well-founded decisions and I'm certain that you will use discretion in whatever dramatics your teenage years might bring," Nick let out a breath, as if his statement had been rehearsed and now, upon successful delivery, it went from something said to something understood. He pulled into the driveway._

_"Um, dad?" Paige was suddenly uncomfortable. There was a thing, one thing that probably fit into this vague topic, that she had been wanting to talk about for a while now._

_Her dad looked right at his daughter, but he didn't notice that she wanted to speak. "I'll warn you, because you're young and young people are prone to hormones," he paused, she leaned in, sure that he was going to say something about the way she was... the way she was different, not superior to, but legitimately different from those other girls. "If you look at dating," he had formed his hands into a ball in front of him to represent the concept, "as a way to expand your social abilities," and his hands and fingers moved outward, like 'dating' was some atom, or the universe, "you can become more independent, articulate and grow." He let his hands fall and unbuckled his seatbelt, popping the door open, but still talking. "That way of thought is absolutely fine," Nick looked over at his kid and smiled like she was getting it._

_"But, if you think its MORE, Paige," he added sternly, "that is where we run into problems." With that Paige's dad killed the engine and got out of the car. Paige remained sitting, belted and shocked._

She hadn't quite understood what 'more' meant. She figured it was sticking out from the crowd, being different or dramatic in a way that endangered her father's political career. Through high school, she figured out that 'more' meant emotional attachment. It meant vulnerability and drama. Of course she never wanted anything... messy like that.

Looking over Emily, she finally understood that 'more' also covered love.

Coming back to the present, she allowed herself one last glance, she let her lips graze the edge of Emily's forehead. Paige knew that, for the first time in her life, she could 'run into problems' and they were going to be much worst than she'd ever imagined.

* * *

Emily's alarm blared five minutes later. She hit snooze without opening her eyes. The first thing she noticed was a scent and aura lingering around her. It was bright, like leaves shining green after rain, deep and earthy, like the redwoods at dawn. That smell mingled with warmth and humidity and the soap of a roommate freshly showered. She breathed deep and indulged in light slumber. She thought about jumping into a heated pool in the fall. It was how Emily remembered Paige's lips feeling on hers.

Maybe is what she thought as eagerness built at the base of her stomach, but when she opened her eyes, the girl was gone. Eagerness turned to sloshing booze as fuzzy, jumbled details of their previous night settled into Emily's head. Her mind was a ship sinking into place at the bottom of the ocean.

Paige had kissed her back. Her cheeks and lips had been warm, she smelled like lavender and chlorine, she tasted like mint schnapps. Then every single thing was wrong. Emily groaned as her alarm went off again. Someone set it twice; she couldn't snooze. It went off one more time before Emily remembered the importance that was today.

Her mom... the room was a mess. She hadn't packed. Emily sat up abruptly, causing a head rush so huge, she could literally hear it whoosh.

_Em! If you're not up, WAKE UP! :) -Paige_

Emily sighed, and texted back: Up. Just got. Ugh. Where are you?

_Read my note!_ Paige replied.

Emily knew exactly where on her bedside table she could find it. Water, pain pills and a note were dependably placed. She couldn't believe Paige was already out and about after last night.

Did Pru really agree to get such an early start? Emily felt uneasy, understanding that Page had bolted.

"Morning, Fields, I'm heading out to meet Pru. Your bag is packed. Get your ass in the shower because your mom will be here so soon! -P

PS: I'm going to miss you. Like, whoa."

Emily read the last line twice. Then a couple more time, for good measure. It was friendly and did a bit to curb her anxiety. She started to follow Paige's instructions, taking the opportunity of having the room to herself to change into a towel before heading to the bathroom. Once she'd covered up with a towel and gathered her shower supplies, her phone buzzed twice. Once from her mom, saying she'd be there in 15, just as Paige had assessed. The second was Paige.

_How are you feeling this morning? My head is POUNDING._

_Ha.. I'm... not bad. I think I'm still a little tipsy :/ _Emily replied, embarrassed.

_Holy crap, Fields. I...might be too? I've got to get Pru up._

_Think you'll find Jacob sleeping there?_

_I really really hope not. You good?_

Emily was disappointed to see a potential end their conversation. She was hoping it was going to keep going through the day, through the week, through break. Maybe, eventually, they'd talk, via this informal, safe method.. about...

_I'm good._ Emily replied with a sigh. And then she added, _I'll miss you so much, Paige. Like crazy._ She decided against it, though, deleting the end of the text and heading to shower.

Paige gathered Pru from her slumber, grateful she didn't have to extract a Jacob from her bed. They piled pre-packed bags into Pru's car, Paige decided to take 'first shift,' which usually meant she'd drive the five hours while Pru snoozed. But, this time, the situation was different. Paige had to pull over and puke her guts out at the first rest stop. Pru went in after her and found the whole situation hilarious.

"You're an idiot," Pru informed Paige, as she brushed her teeth in the bathroom.

"I hate driving," Paige spit her toothpaste.

"How did you get so drunk last night, P? I have never seen you like that, you were-" Pru was looking for the word.

"Ugh, was I just the worst? Does everyone hate me?" Paige could at least remember the entire night, she just couldn't peg some details.

"- Freaking awesome," Pru finished her thought, "confidant and funny and way better than sober-Paige. Hm, maybe I only like you drunk," Pru flashed her a smile to which Paige furrowed her brow. "Okay, champ, I'll drive the rest of the way. You just close your eyes and try to keep your insides in," Pru helped Paige pack her brush and Paige gaver her a grateful nod.

Once they were back in the car, Paige leaned against the passenger door; headphones in and hoodie up. She could faintly hear Pru rocking out, singing at the top of her lungs as she drove. Paige was upset that she couldn't find music that was right. Happy songs felt phony. The sad ones seemed to project the deep, fire building inside her body. She felt like her guts were Plato's cave, and she was tied captive, watching her own stomach ulcer.

Before dozing off, Paige decided to cut her losses. She would minimize her contact with Emily. She would mend.

She had already booked her ticket to Rosewood for the final week of vacation, she'd do everything she could to be under control by then.

Paige realized that she was poised to complicate, maybe even ruin, her best friend's new relationship. Paige might not like Samara; but, Samara was a whole, together, sophisticated person. Emily deserved someone complete, not the fixer-upper that Paige knew herself to be.

* * *

Hannah and Mrs. Fields talked non-stop the entire car ride home. Emily added in the occasional laugh or 'yep' or 'that was crazy.' Hannah's relationship with her mom was so different from Emily's with hers. It was weird to see them interact. She couldn't tell if Hannah was good at talking to adults or if she just brought out the teenager in her mom.

"... and we're at this party, of course, I practically had to drag Emily there," Hannah was giggling. Emily was usually embarrassed when Hannah mentioned partying. She had never talked about the drinking that goes on in college, or had gone on in high school with her mom. She could imagine her dad's stern disappointment. "And people are just flirting with Em like crazy, like, no other girl even existed in the room. And she's still pining over Maya."

Emily was too preoccupied to shoot Hannah the right 'shut the fuck up' look. She was more captivated by the car window. It was barely starting to rain, the window was cold against her forehead, easing her head out of ache. She was thinking about regret. How it felt different each time, how she couldn't tell what she regretted because last night's regret was infuriatingly inseparable form the wonderful. She thought about being a kid and about the careless babysitter had packed two different colors of play dough into one container. How she sat there trying so hard to separate them for a half hour before she started to cry. Her father told her that things weren't always perfect, and, see, if you keep blending them, you have a new color. And that muddy purple became her favorite color for weeks and...

"So that," Hannah nudged Emily in the side, "is how I introduced her to Samara!" Hannah finished the story, triumphant.

Emily was jolted out of her daydream and Mrs. Fields' eyebrows shot up."Who is Samara, Emily?" she looked back at her daughter, and Emily looked up, still lost.

"Um, I've been seeing her... we went on some dates. Nothing serious yet..." she mumbled her response. Hannah looked over at Emily, exasperated and then worried about her overstep. "Like, a month, is how long we've been seeing each other. Its nice so far," Emily tried on a few different smiles before settling for a feigned 'calm and pleased.'


	3. Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying

_Edited. Added to. And Continued... Okay, the Emily parts of this (beast of a) Chapter are pretty thin. I'll leave that to future!me to figure out. _

* * *

By the time Paige got home, her room was already filled with dry-cleaner bags of clothes, hung from the hook on her closet and draped across her bed. It was The Holiday Season at the McCullers, and that meant a big dinner party fundraiser. There were five outfits for her to choose from, which was generous. She supposed that self-expression must be a right earned with age. The party was going to be held at a fancy Columbus hotel/Convention Center, a week before Christmas.

She knew Pru would come along with her parents, not there to throw around money, but to be supportive. Pru's parents were a connection to Paige's mother that her dad would never sever, no matter how different their families had grown. For Pru, it would be an excuse to raid Paige's closet and pick out a few things to alter and Pru-ify. Paige sighed, sat on her bed, thumbing through her contact-list. She lingered on Emily, wanting and fearing. Paige clicked her phone off. She stood up, pacing her room. She took in every detail, from her frilly white faux-vintage desk to her frilly white fan. Her eyes glazed over the swim trophies, the academic awards, the occasional picture of her and her team or her with Pru. Her walls were blue, that was the only decision she got to make.

Home to Paige wasn't this bedroom, it was a place barely noticeable in her house. It was a something she didn't feel like she'd ever have except in one five by five cubic foot space. Until she met Emily, that is.

They moved to this house while Paige was starting junior high. The huge place, Paige's room included, was pieced together by a loud interior decorator. All Paige could remember of her was that she moved with purpose, through the house, and every time she passed Paige, her perfume made Paige ill. Nick McCullers was willing to throw out this and alter that. Paige remembered being angry at him. Decorating a home should be sacred, that you do with the person you love. Paige remembered feeling like he was cheating on her mother, even though she was long gone.

Paige left her room, heading downstairs. The place was empty, her dad was still at work. She was starting to understand that her dad hadn't done anything emotional when designing the house with that woman. They weren't planning; he was delegating. This house was catalogue living. Even the faint smell of mahogany was constructed.

Paige descended another flight of stairs. She was heading to the basement. A corner in the basement. Past the bar, the lifeless pool table. Past the movie projector room where Paige and Pru had snuck their first swigs of gin... Tucked away, around a corner, so no one could really see unless they were looking...

There were two tall, horribly ugly bookshelves, with rounded corners. They were left overs from the 70's. Cheap and scratched and probably assembled by hand by their original owners. They were relics from her parents' first apartment, before Paige was born. Paige couldn't imagine what they had looked like empty, because her whole life they had been completely full. All of her mom's books didn't even fit in those shelves... Paige had been circulating them through, from her room to her locker back to the shelves, as if they were people who loved to travel, but, eventually needed to return home. In front of them there was a hideous and faded purple love seat that had been handed down to her parents by Paige's grandparents. On that, a worn out fuzzy blanket from when Paige was a kid.  
Her dad rarely went into the basement, and if he did, he avoided that corner. It was Paige's place. When she was younger, she'd cuddle up there and cry. As she got older, she realized that it was much much more productive to sit there and read. And so she read. Every book. Again, and again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Slowly, but surely, the pain was replaced with an understanding.

She learned that someone, somewhere, sometime has felt every feeling that she'd ever feel. It may not be comforting, but Paige was practical. You could look up emotions in novels like you could look up symptoms in medical texts. You could find them, peg them, and realize that even though you weren't unique, you also weren't alone.

Thats why Paige never wrote in a journal. Even when the therapist Pru's mom recommended assigned her one. She gave her prompts, wanted them every week; Paige thought it might have helped someone else; someone who didn't get it, but this wasn't going to help her. Her dad had come to the same conclusion, of course. McCullers could take care of their own problems, thankyouverymuch.  
In her spot, Paige devised her plan for break. Part one was avoiding her dad. Part two was to figure her crap out. It went like this:  
Read, swim, swim, read, parties with Pru, swim, read, read, read, attend horrible fundraiser.

Go to Rosewood; do not to talk about That Night. Get back to school where she could swim and read.

* * *

Emily hadn't even gotten to unpack and shower, when her room was full of her friends. Aria and Spencer were waiting there to surprise them. Emily couldn't contain her excitement when they walked into the door. Aria ran up and hugged the girls.  
"Surprise!" rasped Spencer, less enthusiastic, more smart alecky, before melting into the group hug as well.  
Emily was delighted to be back, even though she was still thinking about school and her dorm room, every few minutes. She thought of Paige, and her stomach did a little flip. Maybe she was still a little off from her hangover. At least she wasn't still drunk, she thought with a blush.

She still didn't have this at school. These girls, this dynamic, group of people that she trusted with her life, on a daily basis in the past. They had been through every imaginable horror together.

The girls planned a sleepover the next night, since Hannah needed time to get her beauty sleep and 'freshen up' and Emily's mom kept giving her that guilt-look.

Emily spent her evening helping her mom with dinner, catching up with her dad on skype, and getting used to being at home. When she finally retired to her bedroom, she finally unpacked her bag, slightly concerned with what she might find. But, it was all good, everything from her pile had made it in and Paige seemed to have picked all the 'maybes' that Emily would have chosen. When she reached the bottom of the bag, she found the book bundle. It was wrapped in Paige's t-shirt; her favorite shirt, no less. She was delighted by the book selection. All she wanted to do was put on the t-shirt, slip into bed with the book and text Paige.

The whole ride over, she had been mulling over the events of that night, piecing it all together into some sort of creative narrative, even though she remembered it all. Was it a progression, her feelings that night? Was the kiss a violation of Paige? Did Paige kiss her back?

The next night, they all piled into Hannah's room for their first official sleepover. Hannah was showing off all the ridiculous garb from sorority, Spencer was captain-tracked for her field hockey team. Plus, she'd been campaigning all term for class president, she was pretty sure she had it in the bag. Aria and Ezra had dramatically broken up a couple times, but ended up making up, and kissing in the rain.

"And Lenny and I are going to tear it up next year," Hannah said with glee. They had both been relieved to make it into the same sorority, Hannah was beyond exuberance.

"Plus, totally bonded with Paige's friend Pru a few nights ago. She's going to help me alter my orientation dress," Hannah practically squealed, "Why I didn't think of making friend who can sew before?"

"I can sew!" Said Spencer, incredulous. The girls all looked over.

"Spencer, I hate to break it to you..." Aria started, cautious.

"But that kilt thing from hell that you made does NOT mean you can sew!" Hannah added bluntly. This got a laugh from everyone, even if Spencer was already plotting her verbal revenge.

* * *

"Paige is a freshman at PSU," her father was speaking confidently to a group of expensive suits.

"Do you know your major yet?" Asked Mr. Daniels. He was one of the most prolific businessmen in the state, a distant relation to Gordon Battelle.

Paige knew exactly what her answer was supposed to be, but now that she had told her dad... told him that she didn't want to do I-Banking, she didn't feel like it was right to lie, "I'm not quite sure. I still have until the middle of my Sophomore year to decide," Paige replied.

"Ah, my grandson is the same way," Mr. Daniels chucked. Paige's father was far less amused, shooting her a harsh look. Paige's heart sank immediately, but somewhere in her head, she was thinking how dare he. How dare he ignore their conversation from weeks before and expect her to come back here and play along. Did he think that her rejecting that internship was just rebellion? That she was going to continue on his path regardless of her own happiness?

As her dad got ready for his speech, he indicated that Paige come talk to him. Normal onlookers wouldn't have noticed anything agitated about the way they spoke to each other.

"Keep it up, kid and you'll be grounded for a week," Her dad said calmly.

"Not doing anything wrong, dad," Paige responded, with a nice smile, "You just don't listen," Paige's act was starting to break.

Her dad noticed, grabbed her shoulders, "Pull yourself together, Paige. We'll talk when we get home," he hissed through his teeth.  
When Nick went up to take photos and give his speech, Pru came over, "What was that?" Pru asked.

"Nothing," Paige responded, still mad at him, wanting to take it out on someone.

"Paige, come on. You know he doesn't mean to be that..." Pru shrugged, unsure of how Nick McCuller actually meant to be. "So, I have something that will cheer you up..." Pru led Paige into the hallway, where they found Collin and Jacob, both decked out in tuxes, sharing a flask.

Jacob looked a little awkward, all dressed up, but Collin looked like he'd been born in that tux.

Music had started, all the socialites were engaging in dance and drink. Collin was walking towards her. This could not get worst, Paige thought.

"Hey, Paige," Collin smiled at her, holding out the flask. Paige grabbed it. She didn't actually want it. After her body had rebelled against her the morning after That Night. Her whole miserable flight... she wanted nothing to do with booze. Then again, she also didn't want to deal with anything. She took a large gulp.

"What are you doing here?" she blurted.

"My dad was coming," He answered with a shrug. "And after the other night, Jacob couldn't stay away," he chuckled. Paige remembered that Collin's dad knew hers, they ran in the same political circles. "I usually don't come to these things, but I thought..."  
"That the food would be good?" Paige asked, hopefully.

"Yeah, the food," He smiled sarcastically. "Well, you have to dance with me, now," he smiled, "I mean, I wore a tux..."

Paige had to admit, Collin seemed right in that tux. He was a tall, graceful, swimmer. Paige felt awkward and dumb in her dress, she was mad that he was going to show up and make these things look easy. "You love that tux," Paige replied, forgoing his offered arm, but heading to the dance floor all the same.

"You're a decent dancer," Paige had to admit, after the first round.

"My parents made me do Cotillion," Collin answered.

"Ho boy, I bet we were there at the same time," Paige replied.

"No," Collin looked in her eyes, "I would've remembered." Then he twirled her. It was supposed to be nice, Paige assumed, but it just made the knot in her stomach tighten. If she really tried, could she do this? Maybe she had to pick just one thing to be that went against her dad. And since Emily was taken... this didn't have to be that thing. Paige noticed Collin looking at her, searching her face for clues. She looked away.

"Um, Collin, I have to tell you somethin-," she started.

Just then her dad stepped up, with what must have been Collin's dad. "Paige, I had no idea you were friends with Frank's son!" He smiled brightly.

"Collin doesn't stop talking about her," Collins dad coughed, "and the rest of their group," he added to save his kid from any embarrassment. Collin flushed, regardless and Paige was jealous of the luxury he had with his nice tux and his understanding dad. "Frank Bryce," the man held out his hand to shake Paige's.

"Collin, I hear you're a swim star as well? Very good. Maybe you'll keep Paige on track this year," her father mentioned. Paige felt a pang. Collin looked over, awkwardly.

"I can hardly keep up with Paige," he said, being genuine, "She's pretty driven."

"Well, good, dads like to hear that sort of thing," her dad looked over at her, "But she's been slipping a bit. Thinking of switching from Econ to English. I like to tell her that when the goings get tough... only the weak switch majors." Mr. Bryce chuckled along with the joke, slightly uncomfortable. Paige's dad must have been on his third or forth glass of wine.

"Dad, Econ is hardly tough," Paige defended. She couldn't take it anymore, she just didn't care.

Collin looked surprised between Paige and her dad. He had to agree. In his eyes, business majors were just about the least interesting people he met and not a one of them wasn't scared crapless of Paige McCullers. He knew that she'd hate him for this, but couldn't help himself, "Paige could be top of the either department," he said, straightening his back to look Nick in the eyes, "Might as well do something she loves," Collin bit down on his tongue, but it didn't show. Paige looked up at him, surprised and angry at his interjection.

"Interesting point, Collin," Her dad was taken aback, "We'll leave you kids to dancing," he resolved, enough self awareness returning to him to realize he needed to cut this short.

Collins dad and hers walked off, chuckling over something or another. Whatever damage was done, Paige's dad was charming his way out of it. Collin just stared at her.

"What the hell?" Paige asked, incredulous, "I don't really need a knight to come defend me against my dad, Collin."

"Yeah, well, he was wrong," he retorted, fully aware the he should just apologize and move on. Paige stared at him, "and of course, you're right. I'm sorry."

Paige was so frustrated by this apology, she knew she had no reason to be angry at him and it just made her more mad. "Well, next time, don't."

"I just think your mad smart." He paused. "I'm going to leave to get a refreshment. You're going to tell your dad that you're leaving for some fresh air. Deal?" Paige weighed her options. "Please," he pleaded with a smirk, trying to be so charming.  
Well, Paige hated being in this room, with all these people. Collin was already walking off. Maybe he'd let her argue with him some more outside. She stood on the dance floor. She looked around for Pru, who was gathering her things, still chatting with Jacob. Her parents were meeting him. They seemed thrilled, really glad to be around this guy. They were now heading home, letting her stay and dance. Paige turned her heel and walked out.

She got to the hallway, "Hey, you showed!" She whirled around to see him leaning against the wall, "That dress looks nice on you," he mentioned with a smirk.

"I feel like an idiot," Paige admitted, tugging at the dress.

Collin looked her over and laughed, "You're not one. You usually look comfortable in casual. You pull this off, too," he smiled. After a pause, he finished, "My dad is heading out. I'm glad I got to dance with you."

Paige couldn't handle this. He was being sweet. Not a jerk. Why couldn't she just-?

Before she finished the thought, his lips were on hers. His kiss was firm, yet tender. His mouth was warm, his lips were soft, but Paige couldn't feel them. It was as if she were kissing a mouth, not a person. All she could think of was Emily. How his lips were somehow washing away That Kiss from That Night, tainting her mouth, erasing her from her muscle memory. When he pulled away, there were tears streaming down her face.

"Oh..." Collin was caught by surprise.

"I'm sorry," she stuttered, walking backwards and then briskly away. She wandered the halls of the hotel, deciding the janitors closet was too sickly ironic a place to hide, she ducked into one of the unused meeting rooms to let the tears flow. They covered her face, got caught in her hair, added salt to her lips. She didn't feel like she was actually crying, she just knew she was... numb and leaky.  
The door opened less than five minuets later. Paige desperately wanted to be alone, and then there's Pru.

"He kissed you!" Pru was gasping. She must have followed Paige out and witnessed the whole ordeal. "And that dance," Pru gushed, "After all this build up!" Pru finally noticed what was happening. "What the hell are you doing?" Pru was entirely exasperated. She was sick of unpredictable, crazy, Paige. She missed her rock. They needed to get this worked out, she was sick of waiting on Paige to open up.

Paige punched her fist into the leg of the conference table and it emitted a metallic clank, doing much more damage to her knuckle than she could ever do to the table.

"Was that satisfying for you?" Pru asked at her with a slight sneer.

Paige sniffed. "No," she stated in a low grumble.

"Lets go," Pru rolled her eyes.

"Why?" Paige snapped again. "Don't you and Jacob have a wedding to plan or something?" she added, bitter.

Pru sighed loudly. "I sent him home after Collin told us you ran off crying," she explained, grabbed Paige by her starchy dress. Paige looked down, in embarrassment. Pru dragged Paige down the hall, hoping no one would spot the politician's daughter looking incredibly stupid. They managed to be inconspicuous, and, as they passed the kitchen, Pru got bold. She reached over and snatched the first bottle of bubbly and proceeded up the backstairs.

After several flights, they reached a door, one that Pru assumed would be locked. Pru pulled the handle and, magically, perfectly, it came open. Pru paused a second, listening for other shoe to drop, some alarm system to alert the convention center, but nothing came. Pru looked over at Paige with a huge smile, but Paige was just looking at her hand in a state of sad defeat. "Damnit, Paige," Pru managed, pulling her out onto the roof, dropping one of her heels in the doorway to prop it open.

* * *

"Okay, asshole, spill," Pru demanded. Paige shook her head, cold and distant. "You've been such a jerk. To me, to Collin... Its a miracle that he's sticks around."

That got a reaction, Paige needed a punching bag. She verbally dug into Pru, "Is that all you fucking think about, Pru? This boy thinks this, that guy is so hot. Is it a miracle, Pru?" Paige spat, "Is getting laid really everything?" Paige stopped there, she wanted to hurt Pru and she knew how to do it. She suddenly felt a wave of guilt and remorse.

"You're a bitch you know that? I honestly have no idea why people even like you," Pru wasn't yelling. She hated knowing that Paige was trying to make her feel stupid. She wouldn't let Paige get away with it, "Oh RIGHT! Its because you put on this act. Every morning, you wake up and pretend to be tough, and so smart, and happy doing all the shitty things you do. Do you even like swimming anymore, Paige?!" Paige felt like she'd been kicked in the shin, but Pru kept going. "Are you going to make a really great fucking banker someday?! How long does it take, Paige, to make yourself up into you?"

Paige wasn't looking up. She was pacing frantically, back and forth. She kicked her foot into the concrete, flinching at the pain that seared up her leg.

Pru knew she had won... not just won, but thoroughly kicked Paige's butt in this fight. She was starting to feel a little bad, but just the fact that she was getting such a rise out of Paige, there was something important happening. "That feel good?" she asked Paige with a sigh. Paige looked up at her, venom eyes. Suddenly Pru couldn't stop herself, "And by the way, Paige. Sex is fucking awesome. You should try it sometime," she spat, and turned her back. Paige and Pru had fought before, but Pru rarely brought up something that... personal.

Paige looked up at her, in total shock, her brow furrowed and she was beet red, hoppin' mad. Her mouth opened for a retort, and then closed again, just sending all the sentiment up to her eyes.

Suddenly Pru had a thought: That ridiculous person is my best friend and she couldn't stop herself from smiling, then laughing. She hadn't seen Paige mad like that since... since they were kids and she was throwing a tantrum over having to play with barbies. Ever since Paige's mom died, that part of her, the cute, angry kid, turned off. She had become a smug, 'over it,' together, teenager. She still got mad, she still threw fits, but it was generally directed at herself, not any other person. They only dealt with Pru-problems; because Paige-problems were her own fault; her own to figure out.

Paige plopped down on the ground with an angry pout and Pru sat herself next to the girl. They were on the brink of something here, some breakthrough, Pru thought. She uncaged the cork and shoved the bottle into Paige's hand. It was customary in their friendship for Paige to open things.

"Sorry I called you a slut," Paige admitted. Deep down, she knew that Pru and Jacob hadn't even done it yet.  
"Sorry I called you a prude," Pru giggled. "You love me. So much." Pru said confidently, nudging Paige, trying to see how much damage she'd done. "You ain't never had a friend like me," she added. Paige smiled a tiny bit.

Paige releasing little of the breath she was holding. She looked down at the bottle, reading the label, her eyebrows shot up, eyes wide. "Pru this-"

"Is the bottle Danials brough. Yeeeah. I was not paying attention..." Pru bit back a smile.

"Open it for me, Paige?" she asked, pushing her dark hair out of her face and hamming up a goofy grin, "You've got to, I'm pretty much the only person you even like... When you're not gawking all over what's her name," She added, light, more teasing to ease the situation further.

Pru knew Paige would know exactly who she meant, what she didn't realize was that it would cause Paige's stomach to drop, an intense heat to roll over her. The literal end of the world just got acknowledged casually, in a joke no less. All of a sudden, something clicked into place in Pru's head.

"Oh, God, Paige." Paige looked up at her, guilty, sad. "You're not. You can't be. Shit..." Pru seemed to be going through some line of thought, pegging different memories as evidence for and against. She looked over at Paige, who looked like she was going to be hit by an oncoming truck, "Of course you're... you're"

"Gay?" Paige rasped, barely a whisper. Everything was going to change now; the shit was going to hit the fan. She held her whole body on edge.

"Christ, Paige..."

"As if my father needs reason to hate me more..." Paige mentioned, all self-pity, hoping that adding on the element of crazy parent would make Pru more susceptible to mercy. Any other person would have comforted her, told her that her father didn't really hate her... all of that stuff you're supposed to say about parents, children and misunderstandings. And they wouldn't have been wrong, but Pru isn't any of those people.

"You're dads a dick, Paige, he hates everything." This caused Paige to snort through her nose.

"What am I supposed to do?" Paige asked, carefully, quietly.

"Be a freaking teenager for once. Hate him back!" Pru explained. She paused for a few moments for emphasis, "Ooopen the bottle, Paige," Pru did a ghost-voice.

"No, Pru, this is, like, an over $200 Grower's Champagne..." Paige protested, though she was certainly tempted.

"Oooopen it, this is the peer pressure," Pru continued giggled, poking Paige in the side,"srrrriously, Paige. Do one fucking crazy thing," She'd dropped the voice, "What's the worst that could happen? You're already gay," she teased. Too soon? No, Paige was laughing, Pru was glad. "Fuck him."

"Fuck him?" Paige said, not really knowing if she meant it.

"Fuck everything," Pru responded, confident.

Pop, Paige opened the bottle and took a swig, fuck everything.

* * *

The girls stayed up all night, sitting back to back, talking, earning a decent tipsy. They snuck back into the hotel before dawn and cleaned up a bit in the bathroom. It didn't help, since their dresses were covered in dust from the roof.  
"Pru... about what we talked about..? You're not going to..."

"Tell everyone? Tell you you're going to hell?" Pru tried to think of more horrible things she'd never do, "OMG Paige, you've seen me naked," she mocked, with a laugh.

"I was hardly gay when we were five, Pru," Paige joked back relieved.

"Nu-uh, Paige, you were born this way, hey!" She sang, laughing as she got out her phone to find them rides home. "But, you were kind of a late bloomer," she chided, using the term they had both icked over back in Junior High.

Pru called their high school friend, Troy, to pick them up from the hotel, happily spinning their night into a story of harder partying than it was.

They dropped Paige back off at her house before the sun came up, and she did her best not to tear her dress as she climbed up to her window. Paige was practiced at sneaking in and out, but she'd never been blatant about it before. When she entered, the house was dead quiet, it caused her stomach to knot. She went to her bedroom and dropped out of her dress, trying not to think of her dad. She wrapped it in a towel and tucked it under her bed, she wasn't sure the dry cleaner could undo the damage. She scrubbed her face clean and changed into some sweats and a t-shirt.

Her stomach lurched with a grumble and she decided to sneak downstairs for a snack. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw her dad, his tux now rumpled, resting on the couch beside the door. His eyes opened as soon as she walked in, indicating he hadn't been sleeping. He sat up, looked over his daughter from head to toe. What might have started out as concern and worry soon solidified into sheer anger and disappointment. Paige withered under his gaze.

"Dad, I," Paige felt guilt slice through her.

Her dad got up.

"Dad, please I'm... I'm," Paige stuttered, he was going to walk right past her, as if she didn't exist. Her eyes filled with tears. Her voice was full of pleading. Without a word, Nick McCullers left the room, leaving only silence and pain in his wake.  
All Paige could do was drop onto the floor. She'd already cried all her tears, she had no more to offer. Her insides were like shards of ceramic. Bent at just the right angle with just the right torque, they could send painful vibrations through your fingers as they snap. Paige felt like a series of snaps and shocks.

Her phone beeped. Message from Emily. Probably up swimming. Paige deleted it without looking.


	4. Window Bird

_Only minor edits here! _

* * *

The eager anxiety that had been building for weeks came to a head as Emily drove her Beautiful Toyota to the airport to get Paige. They had barely texted, let alone talked to each other over the last few weeks. It felt like an eternity to Emily; she was starting to feel the dull, constant ache that she had experienced when Maya was growing distant. She was almost sure that Paige would cancel, but, when she got Paige's flight information in her inbox, she felt hopeful relief, for multiple reasons. She hadn't felt as comfortable being home as she'd hoped. Something about Rosewood was inherently stressful. Between 'A' nightmares, Maya's mere presence across the street and Samara's well-intentioned integration into her home-life, Emily had been on-edge. She wasn't sure if Paige would exacerbate the situation, but just imagining her, growing closer in distance, was already making Emily breath easier.

Emily, couldn't help herself, texing Paige right as she knew Paige would be boarding in Ohio. _You boarding?_

_Of course. Can't wait. :)_ Paige replied, immediately. Emily was relieved. So far it had been hit and miss with getting replies from Paige. If Paige responded at all, it was terse. Maybe they would have a sweet exchange, but then Paige would have to go do something, or be somewhere. It made Emily feel ill.

_What you reading in the way over?_ Emily ventured to ask.

_Faulkner, if I don't fall asleep._ Paige replied quickly.

Emily didn't feel the need to take the conversation further, she absolutely knew that her Paige was coming, and that was enough sustenance. Her Paige? Where did that come from? But it was true, right? Paige was a different version of herself around Emily; noticeably so, just like Emily felt at ease, clever and silly around Paige. Emily had likened it to being at home, having a movie night with her parents back when she was a kid. Before she had to worry about their approval or herself being any label other than their little girl. Emily justified that it was only natural that her and Paige had tried to find some home-like feeling to latch onto at college. What was troubling Emily, though, was that she no longer felt that feeling at home. Not around Spencer, Hannah and Aria; not even when it was just her and her mom, she realized with guilt.

Emily parked in a short-term spot and made her way into the airport. It was just before dusk and she was early. Luckily, she had some reading. She pulled out the copy of Franny and Zooey that Paige had packed in her bag. She almost wore the t-shirt as well, but decided that was a little too creepy-stalker. Emily had been wearing it regularly throughout break because not only was it hilarious, but it also still smelled a bit like Paige. She remembered the first time she noticed it, back at the dorm. Paige had pulled it on, flush from a hot shower. Her damp hair and skin made it cling to her curves and muscles.

_Emily had caught herself staring, and Paige had looked up and smiled:_

_"It's the shirt for my High School swim team," Paige explained with a blush._

_"What is that... thing on the front?" Emily asked, perplexed. The shirt was a worn shade of light blue, and on the front was something that looked... like a bird? Grabbing something with its talons._

_"We were the Dublin Swimming Ravens. But, obvs, Ravens don't swim..."_

_"... they just swoop in and brutally kill unsuspecting fish?" Emily finished, looking at the shirt with an awed giggle as the ink blot of an image came together in front of her eyes. She never realized how lucky she'd been to be a Rosewood Shark._

_"Yeee-up, thats the idea," Paige smiled before explaining that her dad had bought her the high school swim team shirt when she was in 6th grade. He bought it big enough that she could grow into it. "He liked to say that it was, 'smart to keep tangible evidence of one's goals,' Paige's voice dropped and she furrowed his brows into what Emily could imagine was a pretty good impression of Nick McCullers._

_"Is that why you have that fancy pen on your desk that you'll never, ever use?" Emily teased._

_"Exactly," Paige smirked, "It is my goal to someday spend frivolously on writing utensils."_

_"Big dreams, McCullers, big dreams," Emily shook her head in mock-wonder, that made Paige laugh._

Surely Paige had just chosen the t-shirt as a cheap way to wrap the 'gifts,' knowing she would get the books and shirt back, but Emily had occasionally allowed herself to indulge in the idea that there was more to the decision.

Emily had already finished _Franny and Zooey_, of course. Twice. But there was still gold to mine from this text, she wanted to review.

"I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody."

Thats one she had been mulling over lately. Especially after the Maya-Samara incident. Incident might be too harsh. Encounter? Should she have been pleased about how that played out? Wasn't she 'winning' the breakup? Should it be the Maya-Samara triumph? Plus, she got a girlfriend out of the whole ordeal. Shouldn't that make her giddy? Emily had been trying her best to assure herself that she had at least some part in the decision that she was now Samara's girlfriend. It was Emily's idea in the first place and thats exactly what she was waiting for: Samara to 'come around.'

She wondered what it would have been like to see Maya, so vibrant, happy and sunkissed, had Emily been alone. Would she have felt like crap? Didn't she feel horrible anyway, even at Samara's possessive side? Was she falling for Samara, or was she just terrified of being 'nobody?'

Emily was staring at the passage, engrossed in her troubling thoughts when Paige spotted her. Paige had her only bag, her swim duffle, slung over her shoulder. Her eyes were programed to land on Emily; as if her body was required to know where Emily was always. Em was wearing faded jeans that looked worn, comfortable and a few seasons out of date, along with a three quarter sleeve, swoop necked shirt and her Lions jacket throwing the whole outfit together. Paige liked the idea her clothes were some blend of high school and college Emily and she felt a tinge of bizarre jealousy that she hadn't met Emily earlier.

Paige's heart pounded in her chest at the sight of the girl. Her feet and legs itched with the desire to run to her, to pull her into an embrace. To kiss her passionately, right in the middle of the airport. She made herself walk. One foot in front of the other, she sang in her head, unable to tear her eyes off Emily. Emily was focused, engrossed, her legs curled under her. She looked sad. Paige's breath caught on a sharp pain in her chest. Maybe Emily wasn't looking forward to her visit at all. What if she was dreading it, after That Night?

Paige stopped about ten feet from Emily, people of the airport bustling around them. Airports, the heightened emotion hub, it is impossible for stability when surrounded by airport energy. Anger, frustration, desperate loneliness, eagerness, hope. Spotting a passionately missed loved one from across the room. Paige coughed conspicuously, Emily looked up.

Emily's face broke into that pure, radiantly gleeful smile that made Paige blush so hard, you could even say she glowed. Paige was no longer able to control her face from her own, goofy, ridiculous happiness. Emily stood up, fast, book hand dropping to her side, closing the space between them by pulling Paige into a tight hug. It was all Paige could do to just stand there and be hugged, and try not to cry. In that moment, she realized that she hadn't been happy for weeks.

Finally regaining function, Paige returned the embrace, letting her bag fall to her feet.

"Hey, you," was all Paige could muster. Emily broke the hug, seeming a little embarrassed.

"Good to see you, Paige," Emily responded politely, remembering she was mad at the girl for being so distant.

"You're reading it," Paige indicated.

"Huh?" Emily wasn't listening, she was taking in Paige. The girl looked strong, like she had physically been working her body more than ever over break. In contrast, her eyes looked like she'd been crying; not today, but regularly. Her smile was there, real, gorgeous, perfect, but different. A little of its usual luster had been replaced with something edgier, more primal: determination, that Emily found instantly attractive.

Emily wanted nothing more than to completely deconstruct Paige. Strip her down in the middle of the airport and take inventory of this new version of her. How she felt, how she tasted, the resistance of her skin against Emily's teeth. Good god, this was inappropriate. The idea that distanced had curbed Emily's desire was complete foolishness.

"The book, Em..." Paige tapped the back of Emily's hand, cautiously.

Emily blushed at the contact that diverted herself back to the present.

Emily was looking at her with a broad range of emotions that Paige couldn't quite peg. It made her feel instantly awkward and insecure. Was that pity? Did Paige really look that terrible? No one looked good straight off a plane, but Paige had actively tried, hitting the bathroom after she arrived. Were her eyes sunken? Could Emily tell she hadn't been sleeping? Paige started growing warm with embarrassment, regretting her decision not to cancel this leg of the trip.

Emily seemed to snap out of it, "No. I mean, yes! Of course I read it. I'm on round three; its awesome." She smiled at Paige. Something had just happened, she could see Paige start to rebuild her mask. Emily cursed herself for gawking. She was going to give herself a mental ice bath of punishment. She decided that every time she thought of Paige in any inappropriate way, she would mention Samara. Or Collin. That would be an even better punishment. "Come on, my car is this way," Emily grabbed Paige's duffle, which Paige immediately grabbed back, flashing her an oh no you don't."Rude," Emily replied with indignation that made Paige laugh.  
"Don't be ridiculous, Em," Paige chuckled, nudging her with her shoulder, "And the trip was great. I only dozed off twice during Faulkner. You might have to help me stay on track with this one," Paige smiled back.

"Sure thing, nerd. But not this weekend," Emily smirked, "we're going to be way too busy. Catching up and living the crap out of the vacation.

"Ugh, Em, I can NOT drink like that again," Paige exclaimed, only half-teasing about That Night.

"God, Paige, we can't exactly booze up in Rosewood, anyway... My mom would murder me. And you. Trust me, she wouldn't hesitate." Emily shot back, playfully. "There are places to see, laps to swim, people to meet. I want to show you off, McCullers."

Paige blushed instantly, incredibly pleased, "Oh well, if thats the case, then I should have packed cuter clothes," Paige flirted back.  
"Eh, you're cute enough," Emily tried to say casually. She was playing with fire, time for the defense, "at least Collin thought so, from what I've been hearing."

Emily talking about Collin made Paige feel even worst about the whole ordeal. He had kissed her. At a fundraiser, no less. She told Pru, who must have kept in touch with Hannah, who told Emily...? Paige was confused, and then instantly embarrassed. What else had Pru been blabbing about, she wondered? She tried to cover with carefully crafted casualness, but it came out as a pretty deflated: "Yeah, I guess so. We've been hanging out. He's nice."

"Yeah, and handsome..." Emily pushed. Emily wondered why she was doing this to herself.

"Uh, yep. We're friends." Paige asserted, trying to put a close to the subject. Not a chance that Emily knew. Paige thought she'd be able to tell, but was surprised on occasion, by Emily's ability to lie. "What happened here? Anything fun?"

"Moderate fun. Lots of Samara," Emily crinkled her forehead, as if weirded out about the whole thing. She did feel strange about all the Samara she'd been seeing. At school, Emily had forgotten how close to Rosewood the girl lived. "Bump into Maya," Emily finished quietly. They were now reaching Emily's Beautiful Toyota and Emily pressed the key fob to pop the trunk.

"Whoa, nice wheels, Em!" Paige lept at the chance to change the subject, plopping her bag into the car and her butt into the passenger seat. Emily just laughed and started the engine. The drive home came as instinct to Emily, so she and Paige could continue to catch up.

"So, Maya... uck, how'd that go? You should have called me, Em."

"Nah, it was really not a big deal; Samara was there. She saved the day," Emily responded, shyly. Of course, she wanted to call Paige; she just couldn't bear the thought that Paige would probably ignore her.

"She did?" Paige seemed shocked and maybe a bit disturbed the the idea.

"Yeah, she grabbed my hand, asserted that she was my girlfriend, and we left Maya looking way jealous."

"Oh. She used the g-word?" Paige was processing this new nugget of information. She couldn't hide how unhappy it made her.  
"Oh yeah, she is on-board with the label now. She dislikes the idea of it, as a social , she adores the fact that I'm with her," Emily explained, still uncertain about the whole situation. This caused Paige to groan audibly.

Emily laughed, completely surprised by the response. Paige blushed, realizing she had to talk herself out of this, "Em, I'm sorry. I guess I'm not really sold on Samara," Paige explained, understatement doesn't even begin to describe these words, "I don't want to sound like a jerk, and I'm definitely going to give her a chance. Especially if she makes you happy. But, she just seems... like, she's calling all the shots?"

That was exactly what Emily knew, and it irritated Emily that Paige was just going to waltz in after all the lack of communication, after That Kiss, and casually nail it. "Maybe that is what I want," Emily retorted, maybe a little sharply, "Someone who feels secure in the world, you know? A challenge to grow up a bit."

Paige bit her lip, hard. Emily had single handedly pulled forth every single insecurity. "Yeah, I get that," Paige conceded, quietly, much to Emily's disappointment. Emily wanted to take it back instantly. Of course thats not what she wanted. What she wanted was Paige, who had no idea who she really was, but was brave enough to be nobody, to start at scratch when her life had always been planned. That was the kind of person who could challenge Emily to be her best in every way, not just superficially. Paige was the exact person Emily wanted to grow with, which is why she need to focus her energy on not letting anything ruin their friendship.  
"Eh, who knows. Maybe she is a little controlling, " Emily sighed, "Should I push back a little? I did get my way with the girlfriend thing."

Paige had grown silent and fidgety.

* * *

Emily passed into town, "Welcome to Rosewood!" Emily pointed out,

"Where scary shit happens on the regular!" Added Paige cheekily. Emily looked at her with surprise, "I have Google, Em..." Paige explained, making Emily laugh.

"Yeah, I guess thats what makes this places so... endearing," Emily shrugged as they drove into town. In no time they arrived at Emily's house, where they were greeted by Emily's mom and, by proxy, her father, who waved over Skype. It was late and Emily knew that her parents would want some privacy to catch up, so, after offering water and food, she had Paige follow her up the stairs to her room.

Walking down the hallway, Paige caught glimpses of Emily through history. There she was, beaming, at what had to have been her first swim meet in grade school. Naturally, with a medal hanging around her neck. Next, were a series of school photos, culminating in her senior picture, in which Emily looked breathtakingly beautiful, per usual. Before entering Emily's room Paige had to take a breath and study herself. She knew Emily had lived here since she was a baby, so, she could predict that this was going to be the most Emily-intensive space in existence.

"Why are you being quiet and weird?" Emily asked, eyeing Paige.

"Nothing, just... your house... is so..." Paige couldn't find the word.

"Only child? My mom responsible for all the embarrassing decor..." Emily smirked.

Paige just shook her head, letting her eyes fall on Emily, "Full of love," she explained, pleased.

* * *

Emily opened the door to her bedroom, feeling light and easy and, indeed, very much loved.

Her bedroom was everything Paige had imagined, plus a window seat. Paige was instantly drawn to that spot. "I always wanted a window seat," Paige explained, somehow in awe that she was actually here, actually in Emily's bedroom, surrounded by Emily-ness.  
"Well, sit, goofball," Emily gestured, happy that Paige was here, in her home, in her room. Paige smirked up at her and plopped down on the window seat, setting her bag down in front of her feet, taking in the view of the cul-de-sac. Emily sat down next to Paige, resisting the urge to grab her hand that was resting on the ledge of the window.

"Your room is lovely, Em..." Paige said softly.

"I'm glad you think so," Emily responded, wanting to rest her hands and head on Paige.

"So, I didn't bring a sleeping bag. But if you have some blankets, I can fashion one for myself on the floor," Paige explained, flushing a bit. She'd been worried on and off all trip at her lack of foresight in this department of packing. She left her real sleeping bag at the dorm and she didn't really want to buy a new one. She had been rehearsing what she would say to Emily.

Emily seemed surprised and a little uneasy, "Yeah, of course," she responded. This was so different from the first time Maya had spent the night in her room. Maya had immediately assumed they'd be sharing a bed. Cocky, even. Emily should never have been comparing Maya to Paige. Maya was interested, and Paige is not only straight, but (justifiably) uncomfortable around Emily in that way.

Paige set up her makeshift bed and Emily got in her own. They continued to talk through the evening, Emily growing increasingly more frustrated by the distance. "Listen, Paige, will you move your ass into this bed?"

Paige was completely taken aback by the request, her body warming, as if on cue.

"Being gay isn't contagious, you know?" Emily joked.

"Whoa, harsh, Em," Paige was surprised, the girl had gotten more aggressive since the start of break.

"I just mean, I want to actually see you while we talk. Especially since you've avoided me all break," Emily clenched her teeth at that. Her explanation wasn't necessary, Paige was already slipping into bed next to Emily.

Paige felt guilty, as she laid on her back, staring at Emily's girly ceiling fan. She tucked her hands behind her head, to give the impression of ease. "I'm sorry, Em. I was going through some shit this break..." Emily shifted onto her side to look at Paige. Paige seemed lost in her thoughts, like she'd been through hell since they'd parted.

"I wanted to be there for you when you go through shit. I thought that we were friends," Emily explained, in barely a whisper, resting a hand on Paige's stomach. Paige felt instantly warm. Paige let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  
"We are, Em," she responded quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm not used to..." she put her hand on top of Emily's, "it would have been helpful. I wish I had called more."

* * *

Laying parallel, close enough to feel the warmth emanating from the other's body, both girls fell into an easy slumber. Emily's last thought was about that time they'd been on the high-dive. How she thought their swim caps made them look like 'two peas in a pod.' Paige slept better than she had in weeks, finally feeling whole and safe next to her best friend.

Emily drifted fuzzily awake, aware of her body completely entangled with Paige. All she could smell was warm lavender and chlorine, as if the flower had been baking by the pool, in the hottest, humid summer day. She reached over and kissed the other girl's neck, breathed in her warmth. Everything about Paige was right, but there was something wrong. Something odd, off, just out of reach. Her hand went to her bedside table and came back with her phone. It was her phone from high school, she realized, but that wasn't the weird thing:

_Proud of sleeping with a mayor's daughter, Em? Good thing I called the press. -A_

Emily jolted awake in panic. Paige had a hand on each of her shoulders looking startled and worried. "Em," Paige was saying, "Em, it's just me. Are you okay?"

Paige who was leaning over her, had obviously moved from her sleeping position that had remained the same since they fell asleep last night. Emily let her eyes adjust and shook off a bit of her panic. She wasn't going to answer until after checking her phone to make certain it was just dream.

"I'm okay," Emily breathed out, Paige was now rubbing her arm, protectively, still very worried.  
"A bad dream?" Paige asked.

Emily was about to clam up, her instinct was to hide and separate from people at the first sight of 'A' that way, whatever 'A' could do, she'd have to leave the people she loved out of it. 'Mona,' Emily corrected herself. Calling her 'A' gave her power. It wasn't 'A,' nor Allison. It was Mona, and Mona was far far away. "Yeah, I've been having them since I got home. They're about this thing that happened in high school..."

"The girl who tormented you guys?" Paige asked, she obviously had done her research.

"Yeah. It wasn't just torment... she was... everywhere," Emily sighed, knowing that this always sounded dumb to outsiders, most people could never believe that Mona was capable of what she did. Instead, Paige pulled her into her arms, putting Emily's head under her chin and stroking her hair. "She could hurt anyone. Us, the people we loved, it was..."

"Beyond terror." Paige breathed the words through her clenched jaws. She tightened her grip on Emily, knowing that she would kill anyone if they tried to hurt her like that again.

"Over now," Emily sighed, folding her body further into Paige, letting her anxiety melt away in the safety of her embrace.

They rested in that position until Emily heard her mother getting up and getting ready. She got up, knowing that her mom would pop her head in to check on them. By the time she did, Emily was tidying up the room, but Paige was still sitting in her bed, a little flushed, fuming over a past enemy of Emily's. It was cute, Emily thought, it made Emily feel some semblance of pre-A safety.


	5. You Wouldn't Like Me

_Do new things happen in this chapter? Yes, i think so. A few things. _

* * *

Neither Emily nor Paige could sleep-in that morning, so they decided to start with a 7 AM swim. Luckily, Emily had gotten the keys from her very generous former coach. They got to her old high school and had the place to themselves.

Gliding through the water, Emily, usually relaxed. Doing so beside Paige was a different, there was joy. First, they warmed up, syncing their strokes, loosening tense muscles. But, it never took long with Paige before they got to racing. Paige won their first race, and when Emily went to time her, she could immediately see why. There was that edge again, something about her swimming was less elegant than it used to be, more powerful.

When Paige stopped, Emily had forgotten to hit the time, she was too busy studying Paige's arms. There was something different about them than before. Emily justified that she hadn't memorized Paige's physique, she simply knew how certain parts of the girl looked. Prolonged exposure. "My time, Em?" Paige asked, a bit breathless.

She was certain it had been good. "Uh, sorry," Emily responded, flustered, "I pressed the wrong button," she lied, "It was good, though. Really good, Paige..." Emily paused, "You're... different," Emily finally said, jumping into the pool.  
"Different?" Asked Paige, cocking an eyebrow.

"Did you change your workout?" Emily asked, serious.

At that Paige beamed, "Boxing," she conceded, "I started boxing at a club over break." Emily was surprised. The image of Paige passionately punching a bag was appealing.

"That sounds awesome," Emily responded. Paige explained that it started as stress relief, but now she's a little obsessed with it. She included the fact that it was Collin's club, getting an eyebrow raise from Emily. "That's one way to get a girl..."  
"Teaching her how to beat the crap out of you? Yeah," Paige agreed. After the night of the fundraiser, she explained to Collin that they just had to be friends. He seemed to go along with it, so long as she would still hang out with him and help him survive the turbulent Pru-Jacob ship. Things were much better now that Collin was a legitimate friend, Paige realized.

"You're going to show me. We'll find a place in town."

Paige was embarrassed, "I'm not good enough to teach, Em..."

"You're taking me." That was that.

"_Fine_," Paige played like it was a big imposition, making Emily laugh.

Emily redeemed herself for the final three races, with one tie and two wins. She had to push her body harder than she had all winter. They swam until their muscles burned, and then they swam more, each assuming the other had grown accustomed to a more rigorous workout. Both girls were exhausted once they were finished, but neither allowed themselves to look winded. The pretense of being all 'fine, whatever' after swimming hard for two hours straight, was a thrilling.

"Not bad, Fields," Paige commented, as they made their way back to the locker rooms to dry off, she reached over to pinch Emily's deltoid, playfully, "You been workin' out?" she joked.

"Nothing cool like boxing, but I'm not sitting here slacking," Emily replied. With a realization, she added, "Ugh, this is turning into one of those Bros At the Gym conversations, where we end up talking about our abs, isn't it?"Paige laughed, knowing exactly the guys Emily was talking about. Talking loudly about one's abs was a particularly popular and groan-worthy way to pick up girls at the gym.  
"Well, I've been a personal trainer, so I know a good Rectus Femoris when I see one," Emily said in her creepy-dude voice, highlighting another awful tactic they'd seen at their school rec center. Then she reached down and pinched the front of Paige's thigh, causing the girl to jump back in surprise with a yelp. Emily seemed happy with her performance, giggling at Paige's blush.  
Paige tried to shrug off her blush with her own laughter, even though she was instantly, embarrassingly, wet. She flushed, wondering what the hell was happening. As Paige recovered, she was formulating some innocent-girl question about getting some training pointers, when Emily's phone rang.

"Its Spencer," Emily stated, bummed, as if that explained why she'd have to pick up.

"Want me to answer?" Paige replied with a smirk. Emily rolled her eyes and picked up the phone. While Emily talked, Paige changed back into her regular clothes and mentally re-regulated her body temperature.

"Em, guess who is in town for the day?" Spencer rasped. Emily had long stopped expecting greetings from Spencer Hastings, "Wren." Spencer and Wren had been seeing each other casually for a few weeks now. It was great, according to Spencer, but complicated due to their unfortunate history.

"No way, Spence. Thats great."

"So great and... weird... and then more great. I want you and Samara to double with us for late lunch."

"Today?" Emily scrunched up her brow, "I have a friend staying with me this week," Emily started to explain. At this Paige started paying attention.

"No, I leave in a two days and I still haven't met Samara! Em, you've got to do this, I need your assessment of this whole Wren situation," Spencer explained with a slight whine.

"Spence, Paige and I have plans, and I don't even know what Samara's up to today..." Emily whined back. Silence. Emily immediately knew she'd made a mistake mentioning Paige.

"Paige is the person visiting you?" Spencer asked, incredulous. Emily made her way out of the locker room, in case it got ugly, "Paige can find something to entertain herself with while we have lunch, Emily," Spencer explained, letting venom seep into every fifth word.  
At this point, Paige was fully dressed, and mostly dry. She tapped Emily's shoulder when she emerged from the locker room. Emily looked over to see Paige mouth _You should go, sweetly_. Emily shook her head, to which Paige gave her a _Don't be a dumbbutt, go_ look.

"Ugh, Spencer, you win." It felt like a mistake immediately, "I'll call Samara and see if she's up for it. Her side of town, though, okay? I don't want her driving all the way here just for lunch." "Deal." Emily could hear Spencer's satisfied smile. Hastings tend to get their way.

* * *

"You're absolutely sure about this?" Emily asked Paige as they were walking home. Emily had called Samara and was surprised to hear that she was free. "I mean, Rosewood is boring. I could leave you with Hannah. My mom won't be home until 8...I could cancel and we can catch a movie or something." It was 11AM and Samara had insisted on picking Emily up around 1, even though the late-lunch was on her side of town. Emily eventually agreed, duly appreciating the chivalry.

"Come on, Em, I don't need a sitter," Paige laughed. On one hand, Paige was disappointed, but on the other, she'd hadn't been alone in over twenty-three hours. After a break full of solitude, it was a bit much to take, "I can explore the town. Grab coffee, read. You have a bike, right?"

"Yes and no. My dad never had a chance to fix it when he was here, so my bike is kind of a disaster..." Emily explained. She'd expected disappointment from Paige, but what she got was pure excitement.

"In that case, you have to go out," Paige beamed, "you just have to show me the tools, and..."

"Paige, you're not going to fix my bike..." Emily bit her lip, uncertain.

"Of course I am, what else are we going use to get around campus in the spring?" Paige smirked, nudging Emily with her shoulder in that particular Paige way. When they got home, they raced up the stairs, just to finish the work out. Paige started packing a couple things for the day in a shoulder sling she'd borrowed from Emily. Emily decided that now was a good time.

"Paige, I actually got you something. For Christmas, back when... just didn't send it," Paige looked up at Emily, surprised, then guilty and embarrassed. Emily thought it an odd overreaction as she went to her closet and pulled out a bundle. Emily had been scouring used bookstores, trying to find the perfect gift for Paige. Emily wanted something that she'd read and Paige hadn't, which meant that Emily had dedicated herself to testing out and reading many novels over break. Handed Paige the bundle of books, wrapped in one of her own Rosewood Sharks t-shirts from high school.

"Oh! Awesome, Sharks! Em, you didn't have to," Paige beamed, undoing the twine, realizing that this also meant that Emily intended to keep Paige's Ravens t-shirt. She wondered if Emily had worn it. The idea of Emily in her clothes led to a thought of Emily in her clothes after sex, and Paige swore that the whole neighborhood probably felt the wave of heat that ran through her. She focused on the contents. There were three books. One was a gorgeous edition of Sense and Sensibility that Paige loved instantly and the other two were slightly used copies of non-classics, "Still Life With Woodpecker and Bel Canto?" Paige looked at Emily, brows raised.  
"You need to read things that were written within the last couple decades sometime, McCullers," Emily teased, clearly nervous about the selections. She'd written in the margins of both, much like Paige would inevitably do. Emily hoped she didn't come off as stupid, "I think you'll like them. They're both odd, yet inviting."

Paige couldn't imagine anything better than reading something that Emily found inviting.

"Em, I..." Paige went to her own bag and started rummaging through. Was she hiding tears? Emily wondered. Paige's hand fell on to something in her bag, Emily saw the corner of a large, brown envelope stick out for a second and Paige instantly flushed, pushing it back in. Paige continued rummaging, for appearances sake, burying the envelope under her clothes. "I'm sorry, Em, I forgot your gift at home," Paige lied.

"What was it?" Emily pushed. It was not a polite question to ask, especially if Paige hadn't gotten her anything, which was perfectly reasonable. But, Emily had seen something, she was so sure. Emily wanted that envelope. Her desire for it was a little scary.  
"Oh, just some CD," Paige continued, looking uncomfortable.

What CD? Emily thought to push. Paige was a terrible liar, Emily knew she'd crumble under a little bit of pressure. Just then, Emily's phone buzzed, _Just starting, babe! Can't wait to meet Spencer and this hot doctor! ;) xoxo -Samara_

* * *

Emily spent a half hour getting ready for her lunch date. Paige had already assessed her bike and taken off into town, seeking supplies. She refused Emily's repeated offer of the Beautiful Toyota, wanting to enjoy the unseasonably warm January day. Emily was ashamed of the fact that she had to play music to distract herself from snooping through Paige's things after she left.  
She had gone through three different outfits, before settling on a cute blue dress. Between Spencer and Samara, they were going to end up somewhere expensive.

Emily's doorbell rang, Samara was ten minutes early. Before Emily could answer, she heard the blond's voice ring through the house. "Hello? Emily?"

"Up here!" Emily yelled back, grateful to finish her mascara. Within minutes, Emily felt Samara's arms wrap around her waist and pull her in. Emily put down her makeup and turned to greet her girlfriend with a kiss. Samara, of course, looked stunning, wearing a shimmery gray blouse, black skinny jeans. The girl was accessorized to a T, and when she kissed Emily, Emily could take in her flowery, spicy perfume.

"You look gorgeous, Emily," Samara beat her to the complement again, but now Emily knew how to play it.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Emily smiled flirtatiously into Samara's next kiss, Samara ran her manicured nails down the side of Emily's arm. It made Emily feel an eager chill, that she was prone to over analyze. Emily was sure that was how it was supposed to feel, dating someone, getting to know each other's little physical and mental quirks. She turned to Samara, the sensation of her hands on Emily's waist was like the end of a great cup of coffee: warmth and jitters.

"We should get going," Emily trailed, diverting her eyes from Samara's intense blue ones. Blue like fire, Emily thought. Suddenly, Emily was aware that they were alone. In her house. In her bedroom. Samara smiled, seeing Emily flustered by her presence.

"We have a few minutes yet," Samara said, never taking her eyes off Emily and taking a seat on her bed. Samara sat right on top of a teddy bear, one of kid-Emily's favorites. Startled, she lifted it from under her tush and laughed, "Cute, Em," she said.

Emily flushed with embarrassment, "I can't believe you're in my bedroom," she blurted, it came out more blunt and childish than she intended, "I mean, I haven't redecorated since I was five," she conceded, still a little flush.

Samara was now starting to look around, take in the details. "Five-year-old you had good taste," she said, finally, smiling. Emily couldn't tell if it was ernest or teasing. Either way, she wanted to get the heck out of dodge.

"So, talking to Spencer and picking a restaurant was... an experience," Samara grinned, as Emily took a seat next to Samara. Emily had set it up. Aside from where to get the best Vietnamese, she wouldn't have much to contribute to that conversation. Spencer and Samara cared about the whole package, a dining experience. Food, ambiance, location... wine lists, "It seems like your friends, with the exception of Hannah... tend to be a little..."

"Intense?" Emily finished. She enjoyed the idea that Spencer would like Samara. Spencer would have lost her panties at the causal 'they know me here and won't card, have some Chenin Blanc,' that occurred on Emily and Samara's first date. "Intense," Samara nodded, then paused.

"Speaking of..." Samara glanced over at Paige's bag in the corner of Emily's room, "Spencer filled me in a little about The Paige Thing."

Emily didn't know what that meant, but it made her instantly defensive, "Spencer tends to talk about lots of Things she doesn't understand," Emily replied, sharply. Samara was a little taken aback, but she liked this intensity she was seeing in Emily.  
"Its okay to be loyal, Emily. And you seem to have this big, forgiving, heart," Samara replied, warmly. Emily despised Spencer at this moment. Spencer and Aria could be so patronizing sometimes when it came to protecting Emily. She didn't want that from Samara. If Samara had any idea how strong she could be, how strong she has been... "I like that a lot about you. But you shouldn't let people walk-"

"We should go," Emily cut her off, anger flashing over her eyes. Realizing she'd been harsh, she walked over and grabbed Samara's hand and smiled sweetly in apology. Samara didn't seem to notice. Her fingers were long, elegant and slender, she squeezed Emily's hand reassuringly.

"Okay, Em. I'm sure you can handle it. I just don't tolerate people who are like that," Samara took one last glance at Paige's stuff, "But, you're helping her become better; that is something I respect." With that, Samara got up and walked out the door. Emily followed, their hands still held, dumbfounded.

She felt the wave of guilt she had been trying to convince herself that she didn't need to feel. But, there it was. Big, ugly and extremely warranted. What the fuck was she doing, being so angry? Needing Paige so badly? Helping was not a word in Emily's vocabulary when it came to Paige. Emily felt ill. She was certainly did not deserve this 'sweet/good' pedestal people kept putting her on.


	6. Cemetery Gates

_Updated_!

* * *

Paige was walking through scenic Rosewood, heading to the center of town where a bike shop was conveniently located next to the Rear View Cafe. She felt the buzz in her back pocket, indicating a ring that she couldn't hear over Rosewood traffic. It was her first call from Pru since she'd left home.

"Paige! Is your Dad in town right now?"

"No. Uhhh, you do realize I'm not in the state either, right?" Paige responded, confused.

"Of course, I do. Jeez. I'm just at your house," Pru responded, casually. Paige could hear evidence of her garage opening. Pru had been Paige's best friend since babyhood; of course she'd memorized their code.

"Why are you?" Paige asked, mildly surprised.

"I have an important interview tomorrow," Pru boasted. She'd been seeking paid summer internships since November, per Paige's advice. Pru didn't want to spend another break restocking supplements at the local health food store. In fact, she avoided telling people about her job, in embarrassment, "I need to look..."

"Like a Kennedy?" Paige smiled.

"Yep. A budget Kennedy," responded Pru. Pru had always shopped in Paige's closet first, regardless of her family's finances. Paige tended to have outfits that she'd only wear once. Now that her Dad's campaign image consultant was no longer an 80 year-old-woman, Pru knew she'd find a gem. "You're still on the phone with me," she observed carefully, "which means Emily isn't around..."  
If it that was meant to make Paige feel guilty, it wasn't going to work, "That is true," Paige stated, cheeky.  
"Hmm," Pru was either looking in Paige's closet for an outfit or contemplating Paige's situation. "Whatever. I still don't get it," she finished.

"Get what?"

"Get it," Pru responded, with emphasis, to make Paige understand.

Pru was referring to the night Collin kissed Paige at the big fundraiser. The night Paige ran off and cried. The night Pru found her and they snuck a bottle of grower's champagne out onto the roof and Paige had, at long last, spilled her guts. Pru had been cool about it so far, so Paige, being Paige, was waiting for the fallout.

"What part of it, Pru? For Christ's sake, use your words," Paige knew that she could be sharp, but Pru usually let it roll off her. Pru had very selective hearing, which made her a perfect best friend for Paige.

"Why now?" Pause, "That is what I don't get. I mean, right, she's pretty..." Pru stopped, likely tugging at her hair, "beautiful even.. if you like that sort of thing..." Pru was now kicking back, laying on Paige's down comforter, looking Michael Phelps' yummy abs on the adjacent wall. Paige's bed was one of the most comfortable she'd ever known. "Okay, damn it. She's drop dead gorgeous, you happy?" Pru conceded to Paige's silence.

Paige was biting her lip to stop from laughing. She wasn't going to make a sound, she was going to make Pru work her way out of this, now that she understood what Pru was complaining about.

"Ugh, Paige! Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," Paige's smile was audible, "What are you asking, exactly, darling?" Paige inquired, smug.

"You know what, Paige MacCullers? I'm pretty gorgeous." Pru paused, "Why wasn't it me?!" Paige finally laughed. Even this, this wildly intimate confession of Paige's, was now going to be about Pru's perpetual desire to compare herself to other girls. "We got drunk plenty in high school and you never carry-kissed me!" Pru asserted, simultaneously indignant and teasing.

"First of all, Pru, you are not gay." Pru made a sound in protest, but, Paige cut her off, "In fact, you are batshit boy crazy. How many times have you looked at Phelps in the last... minute?" Paige asked with a laugh.

"Like, seven. Still. When we're drunk?"

"Even drunk," Paige continued, shaking her head, "Seriously Pru, you're, like, my best friend... ever." It felt so good to laugh, be teased about this stuff by Pru. After not talking to her dad for the last week and a half, Paige was glad to feel accepted, "And I'd never risk losing you," she finished off, ideally inflating Pru's ego a bit.

"You shouldn't. You'd literally have no friends if I hadn't taken over. You'd still be that girl who bit people in kindergarten. Such a hopeless child," she tisked dramatically, making Paige laugh.

"I bit one teacher!" Protested Paige, "Why does every one still remember that?"

"And Jake Santoro..." Pru reminded.

"Yeah, well he had it coming..." Paige sighed, their conversation fell into a comfortable silence as Paige walked and Pru pieced together an outfit for her interview.

"I guess I'll accept your explanation. I was simply too important for you to fall for," Pru said, offhandedly. "But, Paige? Now that you're gay, you have to flirt with me more."

"I flirt with you tons," Paige whined, but she knew that her friend loved the validation. Paige could almost hear Pru's pout, so she conceded with a sigh. "Okay, I'll flirt with you more. You hot hot fucking mess," Paige mumbled the last part.

"Huh?"

"I said I'd flirt. I didn't say you'd know what I was saying," Paige smiled, finally reaching the bike shop.

* * *

Emily and Samara's "date" with Spencer and Wren ('Team Sexyvoice' as Emily had dubbed them in her head), was going swimmingly. Samara was currently demanding everyone's food order so that the bottles of wine they'd agreed to split would be paired properly.  
"The Sauv. Blanc seems like a safe bet, high acidity to highlight the lemon on the fish," Spencer chimed in, even though Emily had yet to decide on what she wanted from the four item menu. Wren raised his eyebrows, knowing he was supposed to look impressed. Wren seemed shy but still funny, a good contrast to Spencer's demanding intensity, Emily thought.

Emily shifted to try to quell her stomach from rumbling. This was going to be her first non-snack after that intense morning swim. Emily was ready for a freaking meal. Something hearty. When she closed her eyes, she could see a burger. With a fried egg on top. And avocado. Everyone else was ordering things with names like veta la palma, Emily thought with a sigh.

"Good point, Spence," Samara seemed to be having a good time. Her and Spencer were already on nickname terms, something that should have made Emily happier than it did. They ended up ordering the expensive one from New Zealand, and their waiter was pleased that he'd been assigned to their table.

Once everyone's orders had been placed (Emily begrudgingly went with the sashimi), they settled into comfortable conversation.  
Wren talked about his pych rotations, and getting punched in the nose by a woman who thought he was a werewolf. "It was a full moon," he explained, as if that was perfectly logical.

"They call them lunatics for a reason," Spencer smirked, clearly having heard the story before and beaming at her guy.  
As the chuckles died down, Emily's stomach grumbled loudly, causing Spencer and Samara to look over surprised, and Wren to outright laugh. "Very lady-like, Emily," he chided. Emily liked this guy. She blushed.

"Did I mention how much I've worked out today? And how long the food is taking?" She asked, tapping her let, antsy.  
"Yeah, at least seven times now, Em," Spencer responded dryly.

"I'm going to be impossibly sore later," Emily, ignoring Spencer, rolling her neck. It dawned on her, the second after she said it, that the nature of such a statement required a response from Samara.

"Good thing you have a girlfriend to take care of all that," Samara chimed in, predictably. She put a hand on the back of Emily's neck and running her nails through her hair seductively. Emily shivered and blushed at the contact. This wasn't the grip of a helpful hand, her muscles tensed further under Samara.

"Would be an even better thing if you didn't have to get past the troll staying at Emily's house," Spencer asserted, catching an already uneasy Emily completely off-guard. Apparently, Spencer wasn't over the fact that Paige was visiting. And apparently, she felt compelled to bring it up during lunch. Emily felt herself flush with anger, at Spencer's tone, even before she'd fully processed the statement.

Wren's eyebrows went up, "What?" he asked, adorably, before noticing Emily's state.

"Lay off, Spencer," Emily warned, voice quiet, her fists balling up. Had Emily been even remotely capable of self awareness at that moment, she'd be surprised by how angry she was getting. Emily Fields was not prone to physically manifesting signs of rage. She hadn't been for years. Right now, she was almost shaking. Of course, Spencer wasn't going to pick up on her physical or emotional edginess.

"Just Emily's nasty leech of a college roommate who, for some insane reason, Em is hosting in her home," Spencer explained. Emily stood up abruptly, sloshing a bit of wine onto the table cloth. She managed an "excuse me" before taking off.

Spencer looked over at Wren in outrage. Samara was starting to get up to go after Emily, but Wren interjected. "You should go after your friend," he said, looking at Spencer, who was already thinking of a hundred reasons to stay and be stubborn instead. Spencer rolled her eyes and stood up.

"He's right," Spencer motioned Samara to sit and went after Emily.

* * *

After loading up on bike supplies, Paige got off the phone with Pru and settled in at the coffee shop. She purchased an impossibly large scone and something called a Dirty Hippie that the barista insisted would wake her up. She took a moment to decide which of Emily's book to read, eagerly picking _Still Life_.

Sipping and reading, Paige easily drifted into a zone wherein nothing else existed, except for this story and Emily's amazingly cute margin notes. Paige had to stop herself from laughing, on occasion, but she certainly couldn't stop from smiling.

"How is it that every cute girl in town is reading that book?" Asked a melodious female voice. It took Paige a few seconds to realize it was talking about her. When she looked up, she saw that she was being scrutinized by a very attractive couple.

The guy was handsome, with dark hair, and intense eyes. Something about him looked unbelievably smug and Paige's first thought was d-bag. The girl... well, Paige recognized her immediately.

"I'm Maya St. Germain, this is Noel Kahn," she said, after a few beats of Paige staring in disbelief, "I feel like I know you from somewhere," Maya tilted her head and bit her lip. She was now holding out a hand to shake.

"You do... uh don't, Um. We haven't met. I know you, kind of," Paige stuttered, it took her a second to find her bearings. The combination of the coffee drink and Maya made her so jittery that she felt like her body would start convulsing. "Paige McCullers... " Paige managed to make her own self introduction sound like a question, biting her lip and shaking Maya's hand.

After the shake, Maya slipped her arm back around Noel's as though that was its natural resting place. "I'm friends with Emily, which is why I know of you," Paige was finally coherent enough to explain.

"Ohh, you're the roommate!" Maya said, in a way that sounded friendly, but made Paige feel embarrassed. "You are all over her Facebook," Maya explained, then turned to Noel, "I thought this was Em's new girlfriend; instead of that other girl," Maya, paused, still looking pleasant and light and at Noel, "You know? The one who's cheating on her," she said with a hand wave. Paige's jaw dropped. She just stared at Maya.

Noel also seemed surprised, but truly delighted, like it was his lucky day to get the front row seat for drama.  
"Excuse me?" Paige demanded, eyes narrowing in on Maya.

"The blond. She's a total player on the lesbian club scene," Maya explained, like it was nothing, "not that its any of our business," she was referring to herself and Paige.

"They haven't been exclusive for very long," Paige asserted, eyes narrowed in on Maya.

"You mean, like, within the last couple night?" Maya asked with a laugh, exaggerate-checking her non-existant watch, as if Emily and Samara had to have chosen exclusivity within the last couple hours. Noel beamed at the gesture.

Maya sighed, looking at Paige with pity, "Don't worry, they probably have some sort of agreement about these things."

This girl was fucking with Paige, and even though Paige couldn't peg why, all three of them knew it was working. "Had I known Emily would be so cool about something like that..." Maya continued with a shrug, letting the thought trail off.

Paige stood up abruptly. Noel now looked like a kid on Christmas morning. "It was a pleasure to meet you," Paige asserted the end of the conversation, cold, sharp and so full of rage. She started gathering her things.

"Oh, okay," Maya replied politely, as if she was surprised by Paige's rudeness. As Paige brushing past, Maya stopped her, put her fingers lightly on Paige's wrist and asked, "How long have you been lusting after your roommate, Paige?" Paige looked at her, threateningly angry and Maya just stared back, fire dancing in her eyes, followed by a victorious little smile, as she removed her hand from Paige's wrist, permitting her to pass. Paige slammed the door of the coffee shop as she left.

* * *

Spencer found Emily in the bathroom, pacing frantically. "What the hell, Em?" She exclaimed. Spencer expected these kinds of dramatics from Hannah and even Aria, occasionally, but never Emily Fields.

"I told you to lay off Paige, Spencer. I don't get why you have to keep bringing it up," Emily explained, aggravated.  
"God, Em. The way she acted... It was and remains unacceptable."

"She apologized!" Emily exclaimed.

"Not. Good. Enough," Spencer stood firm, arms crossed at her chest, "I don't get it, Em. I don't like plenty of people. There is no reason for you to be freaking out over my warranted-"

"Spencer. For the love of-"

"What, Emily? Is she threatening you?" For the first time, Spencer was grateful Paige was in town, just so she was close enough to pummel.

"No, jeez! It's just..." Emily was still so mad, she couldn't think, let alone articulate reasoning to Spencer. Emily was clearly becoming more distraught.

"What? Just what? You can tell me, Em. I knew something was up. I won't do anyth-"

"I love her." Emily said in a voice that was somewhere between a whisper and a breath. It was still enough to stop Spencer. It probably could have stopped an oncoming train.

"YOU LOVE HER?!" Spencer yelled, regaining her wits. She was being much too loud for their setting, Emily thought.  
"What I mean is," Emily stuttered. "I just.."

"I know exactly what you mean, Em. You love her!" Spencer exclaimed, outraged. Of course this was happening, Spencer thought. This was some Stockholm Syndrome bullshit that she could smell from a mile away. Spencer shook her head, "I don't understand what the fuck you think you're doing, Em."

Emily flinched, the words were hitting hard and Emily knew Spencer had more.

"And Samara, just sitting out there," Spencer gestured, "She is a goddamn treasure, Em. And you barely even look at her!"  
Emily couldn't look at Spencer. She knew what she'd been doing to Samara was wrong. Insisting they be girlfriends when Emily was cheating, if not physically, emotionally at every turn. She trained her eyes on the checkered floor tiles, "I know," she admitted, closing her eyes to hold in the tears, "I need to break up with her," she responded quietly.

"No. Damnit. No no no. You're a jerk, but you shouldn't break up with her. Not for freaking Paige," Spencer was starting to lose her edge, seeing Emily sad. But, Emily had to hear this, especially after whatever Paige was doing to manipulate her friend.  
Now, the fire was back in Emily's eyes, "Spencer. Paige has done nothing wrong. She comforted me after Maya, she makes me laugh. I feel safe and happy and..." Spencer sighed, with enough emphasis to cut Emily off. "Plus, its not about Paige.."

"Em... I'd like to believe that..." It was almost impossible for Spencer to resist comforting Emily when she was sad. Almost. Spencer shook her head and strengthened her resolve. "Get yourself together. They've been waiting out there for too long." Spencer left Emily in the bathroom.


	7. Pale Green Things

_New things live in this chapter...  
_

* * *

Paige was furious. She tried to run home, but she had so much goddamn crap on her person, that she ended up tripping clumsily. She felt twisted, knotted, needles tearing through every internal organ... she desperately needed to move faster, do something to outwardly reflect her discomfort.

Momentum, Paige had always known, was the key. She walked briskly, hating imbalance; one arm carrying bike supplies, the other Emily's book sling. Maya plus caffeine, plus that ring/buzzing she kept hearing from her phone. Her phone? She'd been so foggy, she hadn't noticed. She looked down at the caller ID tag. Of course, it was her father. She dropped her bags and started running up the block. Her phone still vibrated in her back pocket. She thought about how red his hands were after he slammed them down onto their breakfast table. The motion had sloshed hot coffee on her hands, but she didn't flinch. She'd never let him see that it burned.

"You don't know that," he had told her, through gritty toothpaste-coffee teeth, when she told him that she was in love. Paige had chosen(Chosen?!) to play childish games; just at the dawn of the age of consequence. Paige found that especially laughable. Now was the age of consequence? Does that mean she could have been doing god-knows-what this whole time without it?

Nick McCullers thought this was rebellion, the kind that was inevitable with daughters. These rebellions to Nick were outright deconstructions for Paige. Emily and Pru had shown her the wrongness of her entire, pieced-together, person. Now, Paige was going to tear herself apart, sinew by goddamn sinew, if she had to. And then, she was going to put herself back together the way she was meant to be. A person her mother would have respected, Paige thought, regretfully. At least a person Emily would like.  
Pru had driven her to the airport on the afternoon she'd left Ohio. Paige left a note for her dad:

_Going to Pennsylvania, at last._  
_-Paige_

It was nearly seven and she hadn't heard a thing from Emily. She was probably having a blast with Spencer and Samara. Samara. What a ridiculous name! Paige thought, and then shook her head at her own foolishness. Before Paige could figure out what was happening, she felt her arm whip back and then her finger had released, hovering in front of her face. She was watched her phone, buzzing and ringing and sailing impossibly high; cutting across the rising dusk.

Her mouth hung open. She couldn't imagine what made it so aerodynamic: the same force that made her throw so graceful? She counted the moments before it hit the pavement and exploded into a dozen pieces. Temporarily sated, Paige jogged back to retrieve her bags. She picked up the pieces: cracked plastic, broken glass, dislodged battery, before continuing towards Emily's.

"I'm going to get them an Air Supreme," Paige remembered telling Pru from the bike shop, "they're super useful!" Paige exclaimed, thinking of deflated basket and soccer balls that inevitably lived in Emily's garage.

"So useful, Paige. We're always missing air here. I mean, the other day there wasn't a single gas station in town..." Pru teased, not used to being the 'voice of reason' with Paige. Pru thought fixing Emily's bike seemed pathetic and desperate, even though Paige insisted it was selfish. She needed a bike to borrow at school, apparently.

Paige kept a good pace getting back to Emily's house. She used the spare key to enter. She sighed, disappointed that nothing had changed. She was hoping Emily would be there. That she had missed Paige, somehow, and was waiting for her to return.  
Paige tried not to be too sad. She was a person of low emotional weight to Emily. A fun roommate to hang around, not a necessity. Emily was like air, water, food to Paige. She'd have to get used to hiding it.

Paige went into garage and worked quickly, quietly to mend one tire, replace the other; she oiled the gears, pried apart the rusted locking mechanisms to adjust the seat... Paige skipped the aesthetic elements of her fix-up plan. Right now she just lived to ride.  
She re-entered the house, changed into shorts and a t-shirt, grabbing a hoodie for the evening chill. She grabbed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and left a note.

_ Going on a bike ride. Might be back late! Don't wait to eat! -Paige_

She shook her head a bit, of course they weren't going to wait to eat, it was dinner time already. Paige took off, headphones firmly in her ears.

She got to the highest gear as soon as she could, prompting her legs to pedal faster and faster.

* * *

Emily was in the car, Spencer silently driving her home.

The rest of the meal had been polite and pleasant, if not very long. First, Spencer ordered another bottle of wine for them to share before leaving, followed by a round of coffee. Their waiter was positively beaming when he brought the check. Spencer then insisted on going across the street for gelato. It was this calculated and infuriating form of stalling. Samara was delighted, Emily felt too jarred and guilty to stop it. She'd sent Paige several texts with apologies and updated ETAs, she was now officially worried.

Once all signs of cold treats were gone, Emily knew she had to make her move, "Spence, you're going to drop me off at home, right?" She asked.

"I can drop you, babe," Samara commented, if she was offended, it wasn't showing yet.

"No, I have to get back to my mom... and Paige, and Spencer here lives just across the street.." Emily knew she was way overstepping. Maybe Spencer wanted some time with Wren. But, frankly, her mom wasn't going to be home tonight and Emily did not want to spend the evening with Samara, Paige and her empty house.

"Yeah, Em is right. I should drive her home," Spencer agreed, throwing Emily off immediately. Spencer was going to try to talk some sense into her best friend. "Mind if we all meet back here in, like, an hour?" Spencer smirked, indicating that both couples could use some alone-time. Emily nodded, duped; Samara laughed.

"Of course, we don't," Samara replied, as Wren blushed.

* * *

_Thirty years ago, a young girl lived on this block. She felt like a princess on the day she and her dad planted a young sapling of a tree on the edge of their property line. Her dad, almost never home, usually he played with all five of them at once. But at that moment, it was just her, her dad and the tree she'd never tell him she named Shawn._

The faster Page raced, the less she felt like her heart was going to explode. But, even with the rhythm and the control, she was still a mess. What was she going to tell Emily? She was pretty sure that, even though Maya was awful, she wasn't lying about Samara. Did Paige need to catch her in the act? Get some fake ID and scope out lesbian clubs?

Maybe she'd have them write "Crazy Bitch: Party of One" as her fake name, she thought, dismissing the plan. She tried her best not to plan, scheme and worry, turning her music up, zoning out.

_That tree, named Shawn, had grown impossibly fast. The neighbors joked that the modest 70's style ranch home was built on golden soil. When the tree's girl was eight, her dad added a swing to one of the branches. Even though every kid played on it, she knew Shawn was her tree._

Faster, control, rhythm, forget, Paige thought, recited, wished. Emily remained, relentlessly, at the forefront of her thoughts. Paige knew that she would eventually cause Emily to hate her. Maya, Samara, Noel Kahn, these people were awful to Emily just as Paige, herself, used to be. Their mere existence would remind Emily.

Tomorrow, Emily was going to look up at Paige and remember all the internalized homophobia and rage, how fake she could be. No number of sewn together pages could change the fact that Paige was a calculating, robotic and hateful person, she told herself. She could memorize beautiful turns of phrase, or write them impossibly small, over and over, but, at the end of the night, she was a McCullers.

Paige came to a hill, but she didn't shift gears; she let her legs burn and burn to the top. She forced herself to keep up pace, passing the apex.

_When the tree's girl was fifteen, a boy named PJ kissed her on that swing. Her dad was at the door within seconds, punching his fist into his hand. By then, the tree was taking its revenge on their little lot. Its roots were winning a battle with the sidewalk. In one place, in particular, a root had lifted a crack so high that it was practically a landmark. When the girl's dad came outside, PJ ran so fast, the girl had to giggle. He looked back and winked at her before kicking a jump off the root and letting his legs carry him so fast down that hill that she'd thought his legs were wheels._

Going downhill, Paige was finally moving faster than ever. It was well past dusk, the breeze caught the sweat on her arms, on her back, and behind her knees, making her whole body shiver.

She happened to look to her left and became enthralled by this impossibly huge tree; ominous, mysterious, alive, dwarfing a tiny ranch-style house.

At the same moment, Emily's bike was noticing an impossibly large pyramid-shaped crack in the sidewalk.

* * *

"Spencer and Wren seem super hot together," Samara was trying hard, making it look casual. She was used to her conversations with girls coming easily.

"Yeah, they are at a pretty steamy point in their relationship," Emily agreed.

"Hope it doesn't fade," Samara smiled, moving closer to Emily, as if to indicate _we could be too_. Emily was leaning against a picnic table outside the gelato place. She looked _good_ in that blue dress. Good, but distracted, even annoyed, which, in turn was starting to annoy Samara. "Did I mention how you look in that dress, Em?" Samara whispered, stepping closer, putting her hands on her girlfriend's waist, moving her hands up and down her sides. Emily looked up into those intense blue eyes, again feeling the jitters she'd come to associate with Samara's advances. She was starting to peg it as mistrust; Samara handled her with kid gloves, with an unyielding and unnatural earnestness. Samara kissed her, making Emily aware her forgotten lips. Emily kissed her back. When Samara pulled away, she took tally of another vanilla Emily Fields kiss, wondering if it was worth trying to pursue further physical intimacy. Sure, Emily was hot. _Hot but boring,_ thought Samara. "So, there's something wrong here," she finally brought herself to address.

"Um, maybe yes," Emily agreed.

"You're gay, right?" Samara asked with a smirk, then seriously, "Still not over Maya?"

Emily cringed and started fidgeting, "I just am... is this working with us?" she took the cowardly route, "You are so gorgeous. I just have a lot of -"

"Feelings?" Samara nodded, looking at Emily with pity. There was no fucking way this girl was going to break up with her, especially not in this way._ Nuh uh, _thought Samara. "Em, I think that we should take a step back. I don't really think we're 'ready' to be girlfriends right now," Samara said. God, what a relief! Ever since their proclamation of exclusivity, Samara had the double edged sword of increased sexiness along with increased guilt every time she met a new girl. "I would like to continue dating," she added, taking the strange look on Emily's face for sadness, "I... I'll call you," she nodded with a patronizing_ hang in there, pal,_ smile.

Holy hell was Emily's head spinning. She let it continue for the awkward silence and small talk that followed, until Spencer and Wren returned. Wren was patting down his hair, Spencer adjusting her shirt. Emily looked down at her phone. It was already well past seven with no response from Paige.

* * *

Emily's bike's front wheel had caught and stopped on the bump in the sidewalk. It fell crumpled to the ground as Paige flew through the crisp evening air.

_Three weeks from that night, the tree's girl, now a woman, was going to come back on a visit to her old neighborhood, three small children in tow. They'll be delighted that the swing is still there; she'll lift them up and take photos of them sitting on the branches. While they play, she'll take a second to extend her hand to the large trunk; trying to figure out if the magic was real or imagined. She'll still feel it there, so powerful that she'll rest her cheek on her tree's cold, brittle surface, for just a second, before gathering her kids and heading to their next relative._

It was lucky for Paige's bones that she was still moving when she landed. It was less lucky for her knees, shoulders, forearms, jaw and cheek that she had to skid to a halt on the cold, crumbling, concrete.

* * *

Emily and Spencer arrived home around 7:30 PM. Emily had been calling Paige, her phone going straight to voicemail. Now, she was officially freaking out. She practically jumped out of Spencer's car when they got to her house. She burst through the front door to find her mom in the kitchen, dressed up for her girl's night out with Mrs. Montgomery and Mrs. Miren. Turns out the girl's traumatic high school experiences had deepening their mothers' friendship as well.

"Mom! Is Paige here?" Pam looked up at her daughter, concerned and surprised to see Emily so frantic.

"I found this note, honey. I just assumed you'd all come and gone out by now." Pam handed it over, "Hello, Spencer," Emily's mom acknowledged Spencer, who, to Emily's annoyance had followed her inside. "Should I stay? Do you think she got lost?" Pam asked.  
Emily grabbed the note, reading it three times, eyes narrowing on every element of Paige's handwriting. Something was wrong. She needed to find Paige, and she needed to do it alone, "No, mom. Spencer and I can handle it. I'm sure she is just biking around..."

"Well, I don't have to leave for a few... There's a lasagna in the fridge..." Pam was explaining, but Emily was already half way up the stairs.

Emily was used to Paige bolting. She was worried she wasn't going to find Paige's things in her room. Maybe Paige had figured it out, that Emily was in love with her. Maybe she had left, freaked out by the whole thing. Emily was going to investigate.

When Emily got into her room, it didn't look different from before. Paige had taken her iPod off its charger; she'd clearly changed at some point, but her bag was still here. Paige's bag. Emily couldn't help herself. Before she knew it, she was standing over Paige's swim duffel, the overstuffed envelope in her hands. The front clearly read: _Emily Fields_.

"What's that, Em?" Spencer asked, from her doorway.

"Go away, Spence," Emily responded, terse. She was going to open it. She wanted to be alone with this. "Sorry," she breathed out, looking at her friend, who she had clearly hurt. "I get it. You're trying to keep me safe and happy."

"Yes, safe and happy. I love you, Emily. Like I told you... I'm going to _try_ to like Paige," Spencer explained, begrudgingly. Like hell was she going to leave Emily to go off into the night alone looking for this girl. Why wasn't Paige here? To guilt trip them for leaving her for the day? She imagined it was easy to take advantage of Emily's love; she remembered indulging in it herself through the years.

"Spence?"

"Yeah, Em?" Spencer saw pleading in Emily's eyes.

"Will you leave me alone for a sec?"

Spencer nodded. As she turned away, she could hear Emily frantically tear into the paper package.


	8. Bruises

_Okay gang, I made additions/edits through all the chapters._

_Look! Its Chapter 8! Short, but finally, there is set up for more._

* * *

Paige rolled herself into the grass, finding the instant relief of dew against her burning limbs. Sighing, she laid her head back and looked up through the dreaded tree's branches. They cut the night's sky with their jagged joints, and Paige let herself cry for just a minute. She cried because she was hurt; she cried because she would have to pick herself up. She wondered how tight she'd have to close her eyes to wake up as a kid again. When she opened them, she saw something new, between the branches of the tree. There were so many stars and no city lights to obscure them.

Insignificance is a good feeling right now, she thought with a slight, pained, smile, as she got herself to her feet, tried to rub herself clean. Too painful, she decided, leaving her scrapes for better lighting and, perhaps, some disinfectant.

Paige arrived at Emily's house, dragging the bike along, the spokes of the front wheel all bent and twisted. She made it just in time to see Mrs Fields' car leave the driveway. Paige pulled up her hood and ducked behind a bush, lucky to go unnoticed, feeling instantly foolish. There were still two cars in the drive, meaning there were definitely people home. One was Em's Beautiful Toyota, the other must be Samara. _Could this possibly get worst? _Paige thought. At least the blood had started to dry, so she wasn't _actively_ bleeding. She left the hood up, hoping that it made the side of her face less noticeable. She'd run upstairs, put on some pants and pretend she had food poisoning and call Pru.

* * *

Inside the envelope, Emily found a box. A beautiful, elegant wooden box that fit perfectly between her two hands. She looked closely at the Marquetry design, flipping it over, feeling something rattle inside, but she couldn't find the opening, not even a seam. As she looked closer in awe of this amazing... thing... she heard the a knock at the door. She placed the box on her bedside table and made her way down the stairs.

* * *

Paige knocked once and then opened the front door.

Spencer, sitting on the couch, was texting Aria, updating her on Emily's unfortunate turn of a love life. _Oh, yep, its worst,_ Paige sighed. Spencer was sitting across from the front door and there was no way she wasn't going to see Paige McCullers, covered in dirt and blood, trying to be inconspicuous in a black hoodie. "What the actual hell?!" escaped Spencer's lips.

Paige's mouth hung open looking at Spencer. She finally caught her breath well enough to mumble a cheeky "Heya, Spence."

Spencer was already on her feet, storming towards her, Paige's fists clenched, instinctively. "_Why are you wearing that_?!" Spencer was asking, in a frantic whisper, moving at a dangerous clip. Paige didn't know whether to be baffled or scared, but she was finally getting a grip on the idea that she wasn't the craziest person in the room. Just before Spencer reached her, Emily's bedroom door slammed shut, and both girls looked up to see her coming down the stairs. Spencer took a breath and leaned in, "I do not trust you, Paige," she looked Paige up and down, eyes full of Hastings menace. Of course, she noticed the scrapes and shook her head, "I don't know what your game is, but I will figure it out," Spencer finished, with that, she backed off a couple steps and Paige unclenched her fists. She had to do something, fast. Paige bolted forward, past Spencer, past Emily, she ran up the stairs to Emily's bedroom. She let herself inside, closing the door gently instead of slamming it, out of respect.

* * *

Emily looked over at Spencer, "What did you say to her?" she asked, letting herself be yanked back to anger. She was sick of all this shit. She was tired of Spencer meddling, she was tired of Paige's mood swings. She was just completely over untangling this jumbled mess.

"Nothing," Spencer mumbled through her teeth, "I think she's bleeding," she added, begrudgingly. She knew Emily would want to know and hated the idea that Emily would soon be helping Paige.

Emily looked at Spencer with surprise and pleading.

"I'll go," Spencer finished, knowing that bleeding Paige was going to trump any logic she might be able to present. "Dinner tomorrow, before I leave?"

"Yeah," said a preoccupied Emily. Spencer let herself out of the house and Emily started to cautiously make her way upstairs.

* * *

Paige put on pants, left the hoodie up, laid down her towel and sat. She was once again turning over her Maya experience. Should she mention running into Maya? If so, what parts of the conversation she should tell? She was playing the part of herself while her brain was in the role of Nick McCullers, telling her that no one wasn't worth it, to butt out and create distance. To stop being, _that way_. Paige was just thinking that she needed to get far far away from pain, when she noticed, with a sharp stomach plummet, the puzzle box on Emily's bedside table.

Paige had slaved over finding the perfect thing to hold her present for Emily. She thought that making the box would distract her enough to get her through the rest of break. She wanted it to feel like writing a letter you never send. Cathartic, necessary and, hopefully, soon forgotten. Now that Emily had seen it, it was none of those things; it was now, simply, the end of Paige McCullers, in a box. All Paige could feel was the persistent, irritating ranting of nerves in her skin.

Emily entered the room, and Paige looked up at her. "Are you okay?" She asked, cautious.

"You had no right," Paige mumbled. Emily knew that she was talking about her going through Paige's things. She didn't have time to have that fight.

"Paige, what happened?" Emily asked.

At once, Paige stood up, grabbing her duffle bag, letting whatever had spilled onto the floor remain there. She walked quickly towards the door. Emily couldn't believe that Paige was leaving, just like that. She was about to scream, yell, something, when she realized that Paige had grabbed her wrist; that they were both walking outside.

They got to the backyard, Paige left the light off, her hood up. Paige was going through her bag, now, finally emerging with the things she was looking for. In her hands were a pair of boxing gloves and a couple hook and jab pads. She tossed Emily the gloves.

"We're doing this _now_?" Emily asked, annoyed.

"Yep," Paige replied, not looking her in the eyes, pulling on the pads. Emily looked down at her dress. She still ached from their morning work out. Still, she was too tired and too pissed off to argue.

"Fine," Emily replied, kicking off her heels, letting her feet find balance in the cold grass, "What do I do?"

* * *

At first Emily's punches were weak and tentative, often hitting the edge of the pad or missing all together. She was preoccupied, too far into her head, too concerned to concentrate.

"Focus," Paige whispered, through gritted teeth, "breathe out, sharp, as you punch." Paige paused and followed up with a barely audible, "please."

Emily finally started to forget herself, she started shifting around her stance, hitting harder, feeling less angry, more tuned. The mat made a satisfying _thwak_ against her gloved hand. The first time she heard that sound, she knew she wanted more. She learned quickly to secure it and every punch was on. Her body ached. She was still sore from swimming. Her stomach growled. She was not satisfied with sashimi and gellato. Her chest hurt. She wanted Paige and that box to just open.

Every time Emily landed a punch, it sent a wave of shock through Paige's battered body. It intensified that stinging into full hurt. Paige breathed out, leaned in, owned that pain. Every punch solidified Paige, making her feel less like a rotting avocado and more like a person. It didn't take her long to start talking. She breathlessly told Emily about her fight with Pru, about the fundraiser. She told her how Collin kissed her. Emily punched harder, _1-2, 1-2._ She told her how it didn't feel like a kiss. _1-2-3_. Emily nailed 3, she saw Paige's eyes darken at the contact. Paige told her that it felt like her lips didn't have the ability to feel his kiss.

"Was he just a bad kisser?" Emily asked, between jabs, light on her bare feet, remembering her stance, starting to ruin her dress with sweat.

"No, he was fine. I'm not attracted to him," Paige responded. Emily landed a punch, but Paige's hands were shaky. She tried not to let it show.

"How can you not be?" Emily asked, landing another jab. She was so focused on her punching, on her footwork, on that _thwak_ that Emily started forgetting to see Paige as her angst-filled crush. Emily landed the perfect hook. It sent a nearly-overwhelming jolt through Paige. It made her brave.

"I came out to Pru over a bottle of champagne on the roof," Paige explained.

"Huh?" Emily asked, pulling her arm back.

"I'm gay," Paige stated, through her teeth. She ended up holding her hand just a little off center, not that it mattered because, _Whoosh._ Emily, missed completely. She caught Paige just below her collar bone on the left side, knocking the wind out of the girl.

Paige dropped the mats on the ground, regaining her composure, she let out a stream of explicative followed by "Helluva hook, Emily." Paige knew it was dangerous for beginners to teach each other activities like boxing, but damn, that was going to leave a mark.

Emily dropped her arms to her sides, just staring at the other girl in shock. Her fist hurt from how hard she punched Paige, filling her with a wave of guilt.

"You going to apologize, Em?" Paige breathed out, smiling now, standing straight so Emily would know she was okay. Trying not to look like she'd been punched in the heart by the girl she loved. Emily did not find this funny.

"I'm so sorr- what? You're what?!" Emily felt dizzy, nauseated, no, nauseous... she felt both. The light from inside the house finally caught the side of Paige's face, which was scraped just under her chin, "Paige, what happened to your face?!"

"I'm going to have to fix your bike again," Paige admitted, biting her lip, "I bit it. On this hill. Someone told me that Samara was cheating on you," she added, as thought those thoughts were related.

"Who said that?!" Emily had now completely abandoned her fighting stance. She looked vulnerable and pained.

"Maya," Paige mumbled, not able to keep looking at Em, "and this douchy-looking Noel guy," she kicked at one of the mat on the ground.

Emily felt a wave of anger and fear at the mention of Maya._ Why would she say that? Why was she hanging out with Noel? Paige was what?_ "Can we go inside now?" this was too much for Emily to process.

* * *

They went into the house. Paige b-lined it to the shower to clean the dirt out of her scrapes, make herself presentable. Generally, Paige thought hardest under water. But tonight was different. She mumble-sang every song she knew, just to keep her mind occupied. By the time she got out, Emily was in her pajamas, finishing a sandwich in the kitchen. Mrs. Fields was talking enthusiastically about her girl's night.

Paige walked down the stairs, timid.

"Paige. I'm glad you're okay. We were so worried about you," Mrs. Fields immediately walked over to Paige, lifting her chin in that motherly manner, to inspect her scrapes. Paige was glad she chose a long sleeve t-shirt and pajama pants. She looked over at Emily, who was studying her food. It shattered Paige.

"I'm sorry you were worried, I'll be more careful next time."

"You'd better," Mrs. Fields said sternly, "I'm just glad you're not too hurt," she added, sending another wave of self-pity through Paige.

"Well, I better go to bed. I just came down to say 'goodnight,'" Paige finished, retreating out of Mrs. Field's grasp.

Emily put her sandwich down, but didn't look up at Paige.


	9. Prettiest Tree on the the Mountain

Paige settled onto her floor bedding to weigh her options. She could cry. She just had to he let her mind be and it would fabricate a spectrum of horrible possible thoughts. A uniquely horrible image of Emily reliving their time together with distrust. How she'd see all the signs, all the creepy flirting in a whole new light. After all the lies, she might be too hurt and angry continue being polite to Paige.

Paige gave her head a tight, rough shake. She reached for her phone and dialed Pru.

"My favorite gay! What's up?" Pru answered, cheery and very much awake at 11 PM.

"I was just calling to catch up, dear," Paige responded, lightly, her voice only breaking slightly at the end. She was met with a pause, she heard Pru close her bedroom door.

"Whats going on P? Was it Emily? I'll cut a bitch," Pru knew that Paige never ever called 'just to catch up.'

"No. I mean- ugh," Paige let her shoulders slump, leaned hard against the foot of Emily's bed. "I fell off a bike," she admitted, whispering.

"Did you break something?" Pru was concerned.

"No, just scrapes. And humiliation," Paige heard Pru exhale, let out a small chuckle. "I just...feel shitty and I need you to talk about things. Things that aren't aren't..."

"Biking? Or Emily?"

"Yep," Paige responded with a smile.

"Well," Pru was probably biting her lip and fidgeting with her hair, "I had a date with Jacob tonight," she smiled into the phone. "And I was going to call you anyway for interview advice."

"Both good things. How's lovely Jacob?"

"Perfect, obvs," Pru smiled, "he loved watching _Pride and Prejudice _with me."

"Tell me it was the Kiera Knightley one and not the -"

"Colin Firth one!" Pru exclaimed, gleeful.

"He did _not_ like watching that," Paige asserted. She hated Pru for putting her through that unassuming torture.

"He fell asleep in hour two," Pru paused, "Super adorable and still passed out in my basement. As much as I wanted to cuddle and appreciate the moment, I didn't want my dad to murder us both in the morning. Plus, I drank coffee. At, like, six. So..."

"Yeesh, Pru, what have I told you about coffee after five?" Paige shook her head, joking, but her mind was still dark, foggy, distracted. She felt the tears cuing up behind her eyes.

"So, Paige, if I were a tree, what kind would I be?"

"Just be yourself, Pru, you'll do great. You can honestly be any tree..." Paige sniffed. Damnit.

"Because I'm stubborn and difficult to uproot?" Pru tried to joke. She felt like she was losing this avoidance of emotion battle.

Paige really did smiled, but it faded when she finally noticed Emily, leaning against the door frame. She was suddenly hyper-aware of her use of this space, Emily's space, for her phone conversation. How long had she been there?

Paige was gathering her breath to get rid of Pru, but Pru was still going on about trees, "No, but seriously Paige, maybe I'd be a redwood. Redwoods are the awesome. Unmistakable, strong." She paused just for a breath, "Or I could do one of those, 'oh I'm so nurturing and read children's books, Willow things... and they would think, 'what cuteness! And there's ash, sequoia.. should I do something local? Everyone likes local..."

Emily was walking towards her. Paige's breath decided to just chill in the middle of her chest indefinitely.

"Ugh, I hate the weakness one? What is my greatest weakness? I mean, I can procrastinate like a-"

"Pru?" Paige started. Emily was settling onto the floor next to Paige, she shook her head, indicating that Paige shouldn't hang up. Paige tried to focus, but it was difficult with Emily so close, the girl was staring at her with a confusing intensity. Paige couldn't look up into those eyes, so she chose to observe her own fingers fiddling with her blanket. Paige released that breath, "you're supposed to spin it into something good, whatever you choose," Paige finally answered, unevenly.

"Like, I procrastinate, but can also do everything perfectly at the last second?" Pru sighed, "I'm pretty sure I'm not qualified for this thing..." Pru wasn't sure if she was talking about the job or Paige.

Paige took note of the slight defeat, she also noted Emily's hand on her chin, moving her head to one side. Her fingertips were unbelievably soft and warm. "Pru, be yourself. You are smart, qualified..."

"And gosh darn it, people like me!" Pru joked, but it was lost on Paige. Emily was still touching her chin and her body responded with knots, energy and an intensification of that blanket, persistent, painful want.

"Articulate and hardworking," Paige closed her eyes to concentrate. Everything ached. She could feel Emily lean into her other ear.

_"I'm sorry,"_ Emily whispered to her.

"I'm fashion forward, I know all the celebrities," Pru was waiting for Paige to catch on. She knew her best friend was just spouting off lame magazine advice at this point.

"You just need to walk in there confident, and be yourself. Take your time to answer questions," Paige looked up at Emily to say _sorry for what?_ with her eyes. Emily took it in, leaned back to Paige's non-phone ear.

"_Everything. All of today..."_ Her breath caught, "_I'm sorry I hit you,_" she sniffed. Emily couldn't have felt more ashamed of herself for that. Paige put a hand on Emily's and nodded that it was okay.

"Yeah, of course, but what if it just all goes to hell and I'm pretending to be someone else. Some crazy person," Pru hit Paige a lob.

Emily hadn't moved her lips from Paige's ear. She was frozen, contemplating. She kissed Paige on the cheek.

"Pru?" Paige managed to creak out, her head was a new shade of foggy from Emily's kiss.

"You have to go?" Pru asked, defensive. Not even a 'you are a crazy person' joke? What the hell was going on over there?

"I-" Paige couldn't finish, Emily was kissing her again, this time on her jaw.

"Better be good, McCullers," Pru let herself tease, "important life shit is going on over here," she added sternly. The way Paige was choking on her words, was she crying? Pru was curious, but knew she could only push in a roundabout way with Paige. She heard Paige's breath catch again.

Paige's eyes were shut tight again, concentrating, "You're going to do great Pru. I mean it," Paige breathed. Emily's lips were now lingering over the place where Paige's neck met her jaw, her mouth slightly open as she breathed in Paige. Emily was waking up that spot, claiming it as her own. Paige had never felt so completely overwhelmed. If her body had to jolt awake one more time today, her tattered nerves were likely to riot. "Call me before you go in tomorrow?"

"Yep. I will," Pru conceded, disappointed. That last breath catch was not Paige holding back a sob, "You are going to tell me every freaking thing that happened to you when I do. Everything. Deal?" Paige didn't know whether to be worried or pleased. Emily kissed Paige in her neck, mouth slightly open.

"Deal," Paige gasped, dropping the phone, clicking the receiver off.

Emily scooted herself back to look at Paige now, trying to read her face, figure out if she had done the right or wrong thing. Paige kept staring at the blankets, biting her lip, too scared to even contemplate looking up.


	10. Love Interruption

Its a fundamentally human flaw to find sadness in moments of extreme happiness. Paige considered herself to be a more flawed specimen of humanity.

Emily stared at her, and Paige closed her down turned eyes and sighed. Emily was done waiting for Paige to look up, she scooted herself closer to Paige. She kissed her cheek again. She could feel the heat rising to her every kiss and touch. She kissed the corner of Paige's mouth, and Paige's breath came short and cracked. Blood rushed to ears like drums beating in offensively lusty tribal rhythms (found in politically incorrect old movies). Both girls were so caught in the moment, they couldn't possibly have heard the knock at the door.

Paige wanted nothing more than to touch Emily. To run fingers up her arms, to feel her shoulders under the sleeves of her t-shirt. She couldn't move a muscle, all she could do was experience her own deep sadness mixed with a joy she could so easily regret. If she let herself have this, be this happy, what if it never happened again?

Paige wanted to say, 'I'm yours' to Emily, but it somehow came out as "Wait." She wanted to say 'I love you,' but she said, "Em, stop." Emily pulled away and Paige felt like the warm blankets had been pulled away from her sleeping body. Suddenly she was stark naked in a tent, in December.

Emily was shocked. At the dinner table, she'd thought through all their time together. She plucked her memories of Paige in a gloriously complex version of pulling petals from a flower. Of course, she had prepared herself for potential rejection. But honestly, the 'she loves me' category was brimming with evidence; she'd forgotten her doubt. She'd forgotten that the suspension of hope was the only way to preserve it. She foolishly let herself believe fully. Now she was looking at Paige, who was obviously shaken. Emily realized that 'I'm gay' doesn't mean, never meant, 'I love you.'

Emily took a deep breath. She was already hanging off the side of a cliff, there was nothing she could lose now. She was just going to fucking _ask. _As long as she kept looking at Paige, she knew she could build the courage to do it. That's when the door opened.

"You girls all right?" Emily's mom asked, looking concerned, and then suspicious. Emily took a sharp scoot away from Paige, as if she'd been caught doing something wrong. She regretted it immediately, but refused to look at Paige's reaction. "Emily, honey, you have a guest at the door..."

Emily looked at the clock, 11:30. She stood up quickly. It could be Spencer, Aria or Hannah; had someone been hurt? She hurried out of her room.

Paige remained in place for a bit, unwilling to comprehend what had just happened. "You okay, honey?" Mrs Fields was still at the door, looking motherly. Paige sucked up her energy._ I can fix this, I can fix this_ she thought to herself, propelling her body to stand on shaky legs. She made her way downstairs to see Emily standing with Maya. Maya was carrying a large purse, she looked worn out and sad.

They both looked up at Paige as she walked down the stairs. Emily looked upset; Maya gave her a little smile. As Paige moved closer she could hear that Maya was talking about how she just couldn't sleep, she'd had the worst day, she'd been trying to call Emily all night.

"I'm sorry," Emily responded, concerned for the girl she'd once loved, "I guess I haven't had it with me since getting home..." Emily wracked her mind. Between punches and kisses, her phone had been the least of her concerns. Paige was now standing next to Emily, looking at Maya in disbelief. _Today is the day from hell,_ she thought,_ and it will never end._

"No, I'm sorry. That's what I came to say. To both of you," Maya looked pointedly at Paige, who didn't have the energy to respond. "I feel horrible for how I met you. And if I had something to say about Samara, I should have come straight to you, Emily." Maya looked like she was at the brink of tears. Emily had made such a point to hate her after all their break up. Now she remembered how compassionate and in-tune Maya could be. "I was hurt, concerned and jealous," _And good at expressing your feelings,_ Paige thought, brows furrowed in envious disbelief. "and.. just. Here..." Maya started rifling through her bag.

She pulled out two objects. The first was a Nemo stuffed animal that she handed to Emily, hoping it would remind her of their good times together. How she'd once decorated Emily's room as an underwater paradise.

The other was a bar of cutesy, shrink wrapped soap. Shaped like a fish. That she handed to Paige.

Paige stared at the fish in her hand, her jaw dropping open. Maya had gotten her soap. _Soap_. Maya couldn't help but smile a little inwardly; Paige looked comically mortified. This was going to be too fucking easy. "Because you're both swimmers," she explained, timidly, "I'm sorry," she shrugged, "it was as good as I could do in a late night Target run," she explained turning to Paige. Emily smiled at her Nemo, giving it a little hug.

"It was sweet, Maya. Thanks," she responded. Paige stood in place. Emily didn't look over at her, but both girls were clearly waiting.

"Yeah. Really. Glad you came by," Paige put on a pained smile. If it was her own home, this would be where she'd start walking Maya back to the door. It was damn late. Paige swore she could see Maya laughing at her behind those brown eyes._ Pure, fucking evil,_ Paige tightened the grip on her bar of soap.

"You want to sit? I could make some tea?" Emily offered kindly.

_No no no, please say 'no,'_ Paige wished.

"Of course, thank you Em," Maya said, "as long as it's okay with your mom for me to be here this late," she added.

"Yeah, it's okay," Emily explained, pleased that Maya, who had butt heads so often with her mother, was being so thoughtful. Emily and her mother had grown closer since high school. She knew her mom trusted her judgment, was proud of the person she'd become.

Emily made her way to the kitchen as Paige and Maya sat across from each other on the couch.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you," Maya said to Paige.

"Yep," responded Paige, despondent. She was a politician's daughter. She knew the game well, she was just infuriatingly bad at playing.

"I hope that we can be friends, Paige," Maya explained, slowly, as if talking to a child. Paige was fuming, she was just barely controlling her rage. Maya fell instantly in glee with that expression on the girl's face. It was adorable. Maya was going to crush her.

Emily got back with three cups of tea. She looked concerned as she sat down. "So, Maya, that thing you said about Samara? Was it true?" she asked, worried.

Maya took a deep breath and looked at Emily in the eyes, consumed with sadness, trying to speak carefully. "I... I feel horrible about this, Em." Paige desperately wanted to chug her tea and get out, but it was still steaming hot. She tried slurping a careful sip. "But, after you and I, you know," deep breath, "were done. I spiraled," Maya began. Paige leaned the cup too quickly, burning the inside of her mouth. _Fucking fuck fuck fuck._ She tried to remain composed, it's not like either girl was looking at her anyway. She put down the mug in defeat. _Get cold,_ she commanded with her eyes, _now, goddamnit._

"I mean, of course I did. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me; and I ruined it," Maya explained, shaking her head and placing a couple fingers, gently on Emily's hand. Just for a moment. "Anyway," as if that wasn't the point, "when I got home, I partied. A lot," Maya looked down. Her silence said that she had so much to regret; it lied that she no longer partied like that. "That's when I met Samara."

"Oh," said Emily. She was clearly trying to piece together the chronology.

"I knew her before I ever saw you together," Maya explained. "When she was here, at your house, I was so surprised. I couldn't say anything without coming off as jealous or crazy. And then she said you were her girlfriend. And I was... crushed," she continued.

This was so much for Emily. She hated that day. She tried to be happy about that look on Maya's face, but she never could. Besides, Paige was as much a part of that story as Maya or Samara. Paige was the reason she regretted being Samara's girlfriend. She'd been thinking about Paige before, during and after Maya met Samara. She looked over at Paige, who was concentrating so hard on her tea, she could have sworn the girl was trying to levitate it with her mind. _What the hell?_ Emily thought, before returning her attention to Maya, "I'm sorry about how that happened. Samara is not... she's not my girlfriend anymore," Emily stated. At that, both girls looked up at her.

"I'm so sorry, Em," said Maya, who was so not, "I had no idea," though she'd kinda figured.

"Yeah, jeez, me too," mumbled Paige, who was glad she'd forgotten to feel guilty about Samara. This was it, _this was happening_, this was her chance. They were roommates. That was wrong. But they could make it work. What if they were meant to make it work?

Paige's tea was cool now. Emily told the story about cold dessert and a colder farewell; Paige gulped it down in three sips, she gripped the mug nervously in her two big hands, her heart pumping blood. She remembered that she was flawed, inarticulate and messy. She thought of her soul as a twisted piece of dirty metal. She thought that if Emily kissed her again, her head would probably explode from the joy and pain she'd feel. She thought of Emily cleaning brain matter off the ceiling her perfect bedroom.

The tea audibly sloshed around her stomach. "Em, I'm not feeling great. I'm going to head up to bed," Paige mumble-explained. "It was nice meeting you properly, Maya." She stood up. She started to leave. Then she remembered, stepped back, grabbed the soap, before retreating to her room.

From the bedroom, Paige could hear the murmur of Emily's continued conversation, the occasional laugh. Maybe she shouldn't have left? Maya clearly wanted Emily. What if she saw the same glimmer of hope in Emily's break up and took ahold of it? Paige paced, every murmur or laugh felt like a knife digging into her side. Eventually, she heard the door open and Maya depart. Paige closed her eyes and steadied her breath. Whatever happened, she didn't want to know. Not tonight.


	11. The One I Love

Emily went back up to her bedroom. She found Paige, cuddled in her floor bed, fast asleep. She thought about making the night last longer, but it was 5AM. As she changed for bed, she tried to find any clue about what was going on in Paige's head- why she was being such a weirdo with Maya. _Well, that was obvious,_ Emily thought. Just because Emily couldn't read it, doesn't mean Paige's face isn't an open book of emotions- A tightly wound ball of inappropriate reactions. Emily got into bed, determined to talk to Paige tomorrow- to adjust the lens appropriately- be the person Paige needs, not take too much.

As Emily closed her eyes, she realized that she would never be sorry for kissing Paige. But, if it didn't work out the way she wanted, she'd still be fine. She felt chemistry with Paige, she knew it existed in the world- she'd find it again. Anyone who says otherwise is just... evil.

* * *

Emily woke up groggy, around noon. By the time she got out of bed, Paige was gone. Emily picked the obligatory note off her bedside table.

_Going for coffee and to track down some books and bike parts. Don't worry, I'll walk it back ; )  
Also, Pru is coming through town- might hitch a ride back to campus with her. I'll let you know!  
Paige_

_She most certainly will not 'hitch a ride,'_ Emily thought, angry. She picked up her phone; she was going to scream into Paige's ear. How dare that girl duck out on the massive amount of processing Emily wanted to do that morning? Just as she picked up her phone, she saw a missed call from Spencer. Emily felt a pang of guilt, she had plans with her friends, plans for which she was currently very late. She would get Paige. She would make her talk. But right now, Emily had to get ready quickly and she'd have to make an extra effort.

She'd gotten so used to the sports culture of college, where she could go from sweats for practice to jeans for class. But, in high school, she always dressed to make an impression- you were either poised or prey.

Once she was put together, she left for lunch at the Rear Window Cafe- a half hour later than planned. Spencer, Aria and Hannah were already in an intense conversation. As soon as Emily reached the table, Spencer looked up at her, startled.

"Em. You're, um, late," of course, Spencer could keep it together.

"Yep, had a late night," Emily smiled at the girls.

"Oh, thats all? We thought you were dead," Hannah threw out, just to be shushed by a manic Spencer.

"Nope. Murder-Free Since 2011... isn't that Rosewood's catch-phrase?"

"Ha. ha." Spencer dug a fork into her salad.

"We're just glad you're alright," Aria relaxed into her seat and Emily sat next to her. Emily was about ready to ignore all the awkwardness and move on to talking about school and races, boyfriends, tryouts, etc. But, Spencer kept brutally mauling her salad, stabbing croutons like they were the enemy. She wanted to say something and, Emily figured that this was her way to not to be the one to bring it up.

"Spencer, what's the problem?" Emily tried to keep the edge out of her voice, glancing at the menu to order. There was a period of shocked silence.

"I think she's just worried. We all tend to be protective. Especially of you, Em," Aria chimed in, not cautiously enough.

This really got to Emily. She hated being the one they looked after. Especially by Aria. When's the last time she called? What has she ever endured to make her less fragile? Emily was a reed in the wind, she could withstand more than all these girls.

"We are worried that you haven't thought through your current... decisions," Spencer explained.

"You are not my parents, you don't have to worry about me," Emily replied, edgy.

"We always worry, especially since all the shit we went through in high school. It's, like, our evolved state," explained Hannah with a shrug.

Emily realized that she wasn't at lunch with her friends. She was in a committee. A Liar's meeting. They were plotting and meddling, just like in high school- except now the enemy was false. It was a phantom "A" that they just couldn't get over. She tried to think of times when they weren't arming themselves for battle. What did they talk about before Ali died? _Oh, we talked about Ali,_ Emily remembered.

"Well, we need to devolve," Emily stated, sternly, "Because I'm not in danger. And i can take care of myself. Even if I'm gay."

"Its not about being gay, Em!" Spencer objected, a little embarrassed, "its about the whole Paige situation."

"Paige is not a 'situation,'' Emily defended.

"No, but she's mean as hell," Spencer stated.

"She was going through some crap. She isn't actually..."

"And there's something fishy about her. And that whole Maya story. And how she showed up to your house looking like she'd been in a fight."

"Her injuries were consistent with falling off a bike, prosecutor," Emily snapped back, sarcastically. She noticed the other girls had fallen into an awkward silence. "Hannah, tell them. Tell them that Paige is not a 'situation.'"

Hannah, was quiet for a second, "Em, um," she took a breath, "I like Paige. You know I like Paige. But you've got to admit that this is going to be... challenging..."

"Okay. Thanks, great seeing you all- it was a delight," Emily stared at Hannah for a second and then began to stand.

"Em, come on-" Aria started, shooting Spencer a 'do something' look. She wasn't going to be able to see these girls for months after they all went back to school.

"Aria, sorry, but I can't just can't-

"Paige is a selfish person!" Spencer interjected, "can't you see how she's-"

Emily put on a stinky cheese smile as she made her way to the door. "Hannah, see you at school, thanks for sticking up for me."

Spencer sat sulking and mumbling the rest of her points, "Do you want to be sneaking around with her through your college career? With this senate race coming up?"

That stopped Emily, "What?"

"Her dad. He won the nomination. She can't come out and date you, Emily. She's going to become an even bigger pain than she already is." Spencer looked up at Emily, suddenly she was sorry for being blunt, "Em, you should really read the news..."

* * *

Paige makes Pru pass through Rosewood on her drive home, Pru is bringing her car to school, now that it's allowed.

"So I made you a thing," Pru looked at Paige a little nervous.

"What thing?" Paige was wracking her brain for a holiday she must have missed, already feeling preemptive guilt. Pru was notorious for thoughtful gifts.

"Just a thing. Before that interview, I was a nervous wreck. So, instead of online shopping, I crafted." Pru paused, "Its not the most fashionable, but I think its time..." Pru held out a friendship bracelet. A goofy, adorable, rainbow, friendship bracelet. Paige loved it instantly, although the idea of wearing a statement made her feel simultaneously terrified and silly.

"That is an awesome thing," Paige smiled, "But I don't know... um, what to wear it with..." Pru laughed. Hard.

"Paige, you're already wearing the 'world's weakest lumberjack' shirt and converse. You wear this at all times." Pru was already tying on the bracelet and smiling at her handiwork. "Thus, a gay!" she exclaimed. Paige rubbed the back of her neck, looking down at the baller gesture. "Oh Paige, I can't wait to help you get dressed from now on to forever. You're going to be so alt-queer, the lesbians will flock." Paige chuckled. She wasn't looking for attention, certainly not a flock. But she also knew nothing short of an army could stop a fashion-psyched Pru.

"Pru, you heard about dad, right? I'm not going to be able to... do... the things I wanted next term..."

"Like coming out?"

"Yeah, like that. And dating. Getting the person I... want- its just not fair to her," Paige explained.

"Or you. Its not fair to either of you," Pru sighed.

Paige slumped down, thumbing her bracelet, "But, I'm going to wear this."

"Yeah?"

"Because, its really really cool." Paige smiled, "They can speculate and fuck 'em."

"Yess! Fuck. Them," Pru beamed at her friend, "Um, who are they again?" She asked, looking concerned, but smiling inside. She knew it was going to be rough and that this they was a dangerous, destructive force. There's a reason the good guys don't go into politics anymore.

"The assholes," Paige stated. Pru wasn't sure if they were talking about the press, or Paige's dad. Either way, she had never been more proud of her best friend.

"So I guess 'alt-queer' is out of the question?" Pru asked.

Paige nodded, "I think I'll just... dress how I dress? Totally under the radar?"

"If things get really bad, you'll have to start dressing like me," Pru teased into her mug.

"Oh, please God no," Paige teased back, "How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? An hour? Two? And that's before the make-up!"

"Very funny, asshole," Pru kicked Paige under the table, "I've got it down to twenty-five minutes, and I look amazing every second of every day- it's a natural beauty thing, you wouldn't understand..."

"Priss."

"Shark."

"Lets drink more champagne next term. I actually liked how that tasted."

"You're not going to like the stuff we can afford, champ," Pru giggled.

They continued taking jabs and jokes for another couple hours. Every once in awhile, Paige would drop a detail about her night, about Maya and angry Spencer, but she couldn't bring herself to tell Pru about the kiss. Pru knew they were dancing around something, but also knew that it was best to let Paige move at her own pace. After dusk, it was decision time. Pru was going to continue her journey to campus, and Paige had to return Emily's bike.

"I want you to come with me. But I also think you shouldn't, you know?" Pru explained, seeing Paige torn.

"Just give me twenty minutes and I'll talk to Emily and grab my stuff."

"You need more than twenty, Paige," Pru sighed at her friend. Pru realized that Paige hadn't really changed much from that snotty kid she used to be.

"I can't. Not now. Not yet. I just... need twenty. I have an entire semester to deal with the fallout of my roomcest misstep," Paige explained, stubborn.

Pru desperately wanted to make a joke. Something like: "Roomcest Misstep should be the title of your lesbian romance novel," but she also wanted Paige to reconsider, which she wouldn't do if they started laughing. So Pru just smiled, nodded, and made the way to her car. She'd see Paige in twenty minutes. They'd head back to campus.


	12. Lets Talk About Spaceships

After her first class, Emily had a set lunch with Jessica. The girl returned from southern winter wedding planning radiating happiness and sunshine. Emily felt like the spokesperson for seasonal affective disorder.

Over at the swimmer's table, Paige was being infuriatingly normal. Emily hadn't gotten a moment with Paige since the girl bolted from Rosewood with Pru. Paige was next to Pru and Collin, of all people. All smiles and inside jokes; Emily could have sworn their arms were too close together-_ who did Paige think she was fooling_? Jacob's arm, in contrast, seemed stiff around Pru, he looked jittery. Emily felt bad for noticing. She ought to have a hopeful outlook on their lives. Emily had to remind herself that she was not a bitter person. She was sweet and happy Emily Fucking Fields. She managed to be charming and kind, even with glass in her hair.

"I can't believe Maya actually came to your house... twice!" Jessica interrupted her hate-staring. Jessica was going to push the topic, eager with anticipation. Emily hadn't actually talked through The Maya Thing with a friend yet.

"Well, she lives across the street. It was still bizarre," Emily admitted.

"And you broke it off with the Samara," Jessica looked like she was solving a puzzle. She'd only been gone a month plus break. Emily was annoyed that her life had gotten so dramatic in the meantime. "So, was it bad or romantic?" Jessica asked, with a smile. Emily could tell she was hoping for the latter; she clearly remembered all the wonderful things Emily had told her about Maya.

"Well, I think it was _supposed_ to be romantic. She brought me a stuffed fish," Emily bit her lip.

"Stuffed animals are super intimate," Jessica stated without an ounce of humor. Emily quirked an eyebrow, "You sleep with it in your bed," Jessica smiled. Emily thought that was a pretty good assessment, and then felt icky about Nemo.

"Maya talked all about the excitement of college and how she didn't want either of us to be tied down."

Jessica groaned, which was exactly Emily's internal reaction to that statement. Then again, it bothered Emily coming from perfect, engaged Jessica. "She imagines I'll show up when she's ready. Because I'm the girl," Emily sighed, she wasn't charmed by this sentiment two nights ago, and she certainly didn't care for it now, "I'm the kind of girl she wants to end up with..." Emily trailed off.

"Well, that's a pile of shit.".

Emily nodded her head. She knew and it no longer hurt. She had been down destructive paths when Maya broke up with her. She used to think that she could have kept Maya if they'd slept together. Emily had wished she could have been one of those fun, spontaneous, 'right now' people that were partying in Maya's room during their Skype conversations. And regarding sex, Emily loved Maya; she wanted to be intimate. Emily just didn't need it like Maya did.

The more she thought about it, especially in the context of Samara, she knew that she'd been wrong. For the first time, she was grateful for Maya's break up and even Samara's pushiness. Her fun wasn't parties and drugs. Her fun was scary movies and silly flirting. _With Paige_, she tried to shake the last part from her head. "Plus, Maya met Paige when she visited... it was awkward," Emily had been so caught up thinking about Paige, that hadn't gotten to actually mentioning the visit or the kiss. "She told me that she thought Paige and I were a couple, from all the Facebook pictures," Emily bit into her tongue. She felt manipulative, gauging Jessica's reactions this way.

Jessica let out a 'hmph,' "As if you would ever be interested in that snotty bitch."

"That's not fair. Paige and I have come a long way since last term," Emily calmly understated. She looked back over the dining hall crowd. This time Paige was already staring at her. Paige looked a little concerned, caught Emily's eye. Jessica was going on about Emily being a saint for her forgiveness, taking more jabs at Paige. Emily was filtering it out, letting herself look into Paige's brown eyes. Paige looked down and started messing with her food and Emily knew the girl wouldn't look up again.

Inside Emily, something had been awake and ticking. She noticed her own knee bouncing and her hands fidgeting with her fork. She wanted Paige so badly that she couldn't keep her body still.

* * *

"What the hell is on your chin?" Paige's dad asked, in place of a greeting. It had been a long first couple days back. Paige got an email from her dad right after the election results were posted, organizing this meeting. Her dad was sitting at his desk at work in his bright red campaign tie.

"I fell... off a bike," Paige sighed, knowing this wasn't going to go well.

"WHAT?!"

"I... " Paige wasn't really expecting sympathy, but her dad was outright furious. She started to get mad, too, not really sure why. "Dad, aren't we going to talk about the nomination?"

"Why would you do this, Paige?" Her dad asked, exasperated.

_Um, because I really had it in for a tree?_ Paige thought, "No reason. It just happened," she mumbled

"I've been talking to Marlene about your behavior lately," her dad began. Marlene was his press secretary. "She has kids, she knows how you can act out." Of course, 'you' was simultaneously Paige as well as a blanket over all teenagers. Paige so appreciated being clumped into that category. "These last few months have been riddled with cries for attention. And Paige, I don't have time for this now. We have to act as a team."

"How is it a cry for attention?" Paige was at a loss, this was absurd, "I didn't even tell you!" Paige exclaimed.

"Don't scream, Paige! Were you raised in a zoo?!" Her dad asked, stern.

"You wouldn't know, you weren't there!" Paige threw back, hoping it hurt. She could have thrown the laptop out her window. She could imagine how the glass would fly. But, God forbid she get a scrape while doing it...

"Unacceptable. You clearly can't handle adulthood on your own. Certainly not during an election. I'm sending help."

"Great. Perfect. Will they bring make up? Because I have a scrapes on my arm, too... I was hoping for the kind with formaldehyde, _dad_." Her dad sighed and rolled his eyes and she finally felt like an ass for stooping under the low bar he'd set for her.

"Paige," her dad said shaking his head. He looked tired. "You need to be kept on track. I've been letting you run wild these past months and that is going to stop now. We can talk details later." Then he hung up. Paige opened her mouth for... well, to say something. _Close your mouth, you're not drowning._

"You're not even doing it yourself!" Paige yelled at her dead Skype call, "I didn't break any bones, thanks for asking, Senator Robotic Asshat! Entitled piece of crap- TEAM is the worst word for goddamn- UGH!" Paige yelled with increasing incoherence at her blank screen until all she could do was brushing everything in front of her laptop onto the floor.

Emily walked in the room to see Paige, red in the face, yelling at her computer. Paige was now throwing the closest book to the floor, hard. The tattered paperback smacked their dorm carpet, softly. It was delightfully anti-climactic. Emily wondered if she should feel guilty for thinking tantrum-Paige was kind of cute. "Umm... Paige?"

Paige noticed Emily, turned a deeper shade of red and clenched her eyes shut, "Gotta go," she said, not even bothering to think of an excuse. She grabbed the book off the ground and threw it in her bag, grabbed her keys and took off. She was humiliated that Emily had seen her fit. She let herself cry on the way down the stairs.

Emily sighed and picked the hole punch and pens off the floor, rearranged the papers on Paige's desk into piles and then messing them up a little, worried that Paige would be offended. She didn't feel like being in this room either, at this point. Emily packed homework and her laptop into her backpack and took off. She had to choose between the coffee shop and the library. Knowing how much Paige loved the library, she headed to the coffee shop.

* * *

Paige was trekking through the snow at a machine gun clip. Every step brought to mind some new thing she wished she had, Headphones, the right homework assignment, headphones, headphones. Damnit, how was she going to survive studying at the coffee shop without headphones! She sent a short message to Pru, Wanna study at Home Brew? No big deal. I'm just going to be there. Probably till they close. So if you feel like coming by. I'll be studying.

Paige was going to mention her lack of headphones, when she got distracted by the unsteady crunching snow under clumsy jogger.

"Paige! Wait up!" Collin was a little out of breath from chasing her through the snow.

Paige slowed for him. She hadn't talked to Collin alone since she left Ohio.

"Oh, hi, guy," Paige tried to be polite and wipe away remaining tears before he could catch up. Luckily, she could blame the cold winter for her stuffy nose.

"You were weird at lunch," he stated, though he didn't seem angry or upset. "And you're missing some aces shit at boxing club. We had some mixed martial arts guys join," he smiled, enthusiastically, trying to keep up. Paige kept walking quickly with her head down. Collin was hoping to get some eye contact, at least. He thought their friendship had progressed over break.

"So it got homoerotic?" Paige finally threw him a joke.

"And dangerous!" he exclaimed, "The two things you like best, right McCullers?" he jokingly poked at her arm.

The tops of Paige's ears turned red and slowed her pace, part of her wanted so badly to just be embarrassed and fearful of the joke; break all the friendship they built so she didn't have to deal with this extra person. Honestly, she hadn't regretted coming out to Collin... not until her dad... Since then, she tried to act 'normal,' which might have come off as superficial.

Collin grabbed her arm and pulled her to face him, "I didn't mean that to be offensive" he took interest in the scrapes on her chin again, much like he had at lunch. He grabbed it, tilting it up in a way Paige had previously thought only a mom could pull off. "So, bikes. You're really bad at riding them?" Collin observed, with a mix of genuine concern and friendly goofiness.

"Distracted driving," Paige responded, terse, recovering her chin, sniffling and increasing her pace. The last thing she needed was to explain this to one more person.

"Well its difficult living with a ridiculously hot roommate," Collin jogged to get ahead of her, Paige was about to speed up again. Once he could look her square in the eye, he began bouncing around, staying loose on his toes. Paige couldn't tell whether or not Collin knew she was crying, but his silliness managed to get her to smile. She got ready to swipe away punches. "Not gonna let some lil scrapes keep you outta the fight, are you McCullers?" He teased, was he talking about Emily or the club? Paige wondered.

"Listen, guy, I want to see you get punched in the face today, just as much as I did over break," Paige had gotten used to teasing Colin over break. She turned and took a left hook that he barely jumped back from.

"Whoa!" Collin was surprised, "a little close for comfort?" Paige felt a little guilty, knowing he was expecting her to go right, but Collin was still smiling. "This means I'll see you at club this week." He wasn't asking. "You need to blow off some steam."

"Ugh, yeah, I guess," Paige replied. "Colin there's something..." Paige had been meaning to breach the subject. Collin, Emily and Pru were the only people (aside from her dad) that she'd come out to. The short list she'd planned to grow was now a huge liability.

"I know," Collin answered, seriously. He must have seen the look on Paige's face. "Your dad won that nomination."

"Yes, and..." Paige hated this. It took her so long to finally trust someone, and now she had show all her paranoid asshole cards.

"That changes your life. I am well aware, and I want you to know that I'll do anything to help..." He bit his lip, trying to find a way to say this that wouldn't embarrass her, "keep you safe and feeling normal," he mumbled.

Paige let out a breath, this was almost satisfactory, but she had to be clear. She opened her mouth to reply.

"I wouldn't ever tell anyone about you liking girls," Collin helped her out. She finally seemed relieved. "I could even be yer beard!"

"Grossest," Paige replied, but she was smiling. She looked like a weight had been lifted off her back.

"I was just trying to offer my assets to a friend!" Collin replied, earning him a real punch in the arm, "Ow! Jerk," he smiled.

"Pig," she replied.

"I see how it is. I'm a punching bag to fight out your stress," Collin gave in, blocking and dodging a couple more punches.

They walked and talked together; Collin convincing Paige to go to the bookstore and buy headphones.

* * *

When Pru arrived at the coffee shop, there was no sign of Paige. She'd texted her back twice, with no response. However, Emily Fields was at the corner table, looking nauseatingly adorable degrees of pretty and distracted. Pru wondered if Paige already left because Emily was here.

Emily was staring at her book, but the letters weren't forming words and, when they did, the words weren't becoming ideas. Her knee was still bouncing. She berated herself, she couldn't afford to spend a term so hormonal and distracted. She had no time to pine. She felt a tickle in the back of her neck, a shift in the mood of the room, and looked up right at Pru, staring at her from the entrance. Emily resisted every urge to look down, and instead looked Pru right in the eye and forced a smile. Unfortunately, this caused Pru to come over to her table.

"Hello Emily, how are you?" Pru prefaced with false patience; she really wanted to cut to the chase, "Is Paige around?"

"Nope, she was going to study," Emily responded. Pru sat down. There was an unpredictability to Pru that Emily found unsettling. They'd been getting along well by the end of last term, but there was still this edge of competition between the girls.

"We were supposed to meet here to do just that." Pru noticed a hint of panic in Emily's eyes. Something had happened. She crossed her arms on the table and rested her chin on top. "She left me a weird message, like the world had just ended" Pru explained with some dramatic flair. Pru decided that was too concerned about Paige to give Emily a hard time at the moment. "She needs me, and now I don't know where the hell she is."

_Oh_, Emily figured out more of why she didn't like Pru. She felt the urge to explain to this girl that Paige only_ needed_ one girl. "I think maybe she talked to her dad." Emily tried to be helpful, resenting her own jealousy.

"Ugh, so its worst than I thought. She's probably jogging herself into numbness in some dangerous corner of the woods. Glad I skipped a date for this," Pru indicated her current seat.

Emily took offense. Was kissing Paige implicitly creating an open invitation for Pru to sit here? Emily shook off the thought, Pru probably didn't know anything about her and Paige. "You skipped a date?" Emily asked, looking Pru over. From what she knew about Pru, the girl didn't go on dates in her workout gear. Emily remembered the morning's Jacob weirdness. Emily would deny any thrill gainedl over Pru's potential pain when Emily asked, "Everything going alright?"

"Well, I'll admit, I'd already skipped the date. I was on my way to the rec center to do something useful with the time instead," Pru explained bitterly. "Things with Jacob haven't been great lately," Pru sighed.

Emily nodded, concerned. She was always willing to listen, but not really sure why Pru, of all people, would spill to her.

Pru went on, "At first, it was amazing. Better than anything. I mean, he met my family. My family likes him." Pru let herself sink into that feeling. "Then he answered my texts less. He's doing that asshole distancing dance."

Emily sighed, she knew that dance well, "You think he'll snap out of it?"

"I was hoping so. God, Idon't know. I'd talk to Paige about it, but she's been all distracted."

"Her dad's election?" Emily wanted to assert that she knew things about Paige's life, even if Paige wasn't telling them to her.

"Yeah, and before that other things," Pru looked Emily up and down pointedly.

Oh shit, she knows everything. Emily felt heat rise to her face.

"There she is," Pru nodded towards the window. There was Paige, barely bundled up for the winter, laughing into a hug from Collin. Emily clenched her teeth. "Well that explains why she took so long." Pru smiled. She knew that Paige wasn't attracted to Collin, but there was something that felt great about torturing beautiful, understated, turn-every-head-in-the-room Emily.

Paige finally managed a glance into the coffee shop to see something unexpected. There was her best friend, looking amused, sitting next to the girl she loved, looking unhinged.


	13. Kick Drum Heart

How are all of you doing? Hanging in there? Bored to tears? Let me know in reviews or PMs?

Thanks for reading!

* * *

Pru was in front of her before Paige could even start to find a place to sit, "Where have you been, I was worried sick."

"Huh?" Paige asked, "You never responded to my-" Before she could finish, Pru had reached around into her back pocket and grabbed Paige's phone. Pru could sense Emily bristle at the intimacy displayed. Emily simply pretended to be focused on her paper.

"Hmm, three missed calls. Oh, four new text..." Pru handed back the phone. Paige finally looked over at Emily, clearly uncomfortable by her presence and trying to focus on her reading. Pru rolled her eyes. Her friend was so far gone, it was ridiculous.

"Its fine. Sit. Emily and I have been having a lovely time chatting. I'm sure she won't mind sharing the table, right Em?" Pru took her seat across from Emily, leaving the spot between the two girls. It was a pretty small table. Paige looked over at Emily, uncomfortable. They hadn't been within a foot of each other since Rosewood and that kiss. Since before Maya showed up and ruined one of the more perfect moments of Paige's life.

Emily looked up, cocking an eyebrow to seem casual. It worried Paige. Emily wasn't happy about the intrusion. Paige wanted to apologize and then flee from that look. Instead she stood there, starting to sweat despite a chill. "Well, as long as you're not too distracting," Emily said, focusing back to her homework.

"Don't worry, I think Paige got all her _energy_ out with Collin," Pru replied with a little smile pulling her best friend's arm. Paige clumsily fell into the seat, giving Pru a sarcastic half laugh and pulled out her book. She figured the less she said right now, the safer she'd be. If only Paige could see the Rube Goldberg manipulation machine running in Pru's head... "I'm a little sad that you two are hanging out again," Pru said with a sigh, turning to Emily, "I barely saw her all break."

"Not true," Paige mumbled back, although it actually was true. Paige been reclusive after the party, after hurting her dad. Collin got her out of the house at least once a day. The only reason she went was the opportunity to beat the crap out of a punching bag. Paige slumped back in her chair, causing her arm to brush against Emily's. The other girl jolted at the contact and adjusted herself away from Paige. "I needed a workout-buddy, Pru," Paige explained, feeling like she'd just gotten hit in the gut.

"I could have given you a good workout," Pru exclaimed, trying to seem oblivious, "I mean, I guess I'm not strong like Collin," Paige grimaced at her tone, giving the girl a what the hell are you on about look that no one at the table acknowledged. "Still, you have a pool. You could have invited me over more, you know?" Even though Emily was completely silent, Pru could feel tension at their table building. Pru knew Paige was hurting, so she tried to restrain herself from being excessively cruel to either girl.

Paige's phone buzzed, she looked down to see a text from her dad. "I've got to go, guys," Paige said, awkwardly, putting her book away. Pru looked at her suspicious, Paige gave her an apologetic don't ask. Honestly, the timing couldn't have been more perfect, but Pru couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that she didn't get to finish her goading.

Emily didn't look up from her book, "Later, Paige," she said through her teeth, her eyebrows still cocked in annoyance. Paige didn't really understand how to take that, but right now she had the rare and terrible obligation of talking to her dad for a second time in one afternoon.

* * *

_Ohio_

"What?!" Shana let escape her lips, in a barely controlled rage. She was handed an envelope containing her flight tickets along with a hefty briefing file.

Shana's walk into this office had been a strut. She even paused to smirk at her rival, Jason, on her way. He gave her a sly smile back. _Poor bastard, always one step behind,_ she'd thought, with glee.

She'd targeted Jason the first week she'd arrived on the campaign. He was a couple years her senior and dumb as rocks. She knew that going after him would show everyone that she was a shark. Of course, he fought back, taking her on as a rival. It was only within the last month that the poor sap realized he'd essentially paved a path to her quick assent through their PR ranks.

Now, Shana was finishing playing her best hand, and that dope was printing fliers for interns. She walked across the room holding an integrated social media marketing plan that would revolutionize state-level politics. By leveraging (aka flirting with) an increasingly infatuated assistant, Shana had landed her meticulously crafted genius on the desk of their second in command. She was a goddamn political alchemist and now she was to have a personal meeting with Marlene and Nick, after only six months as a staffer...

Shana's walk out of that office could be characterized as hauling furious ass. She crushed her media plan into the recycling bin and then proceeded to kick the damn thing over. Jason put on his 'nice guy' face and came over to help. "So I hear you got the big babysitting gig..." he smiled, all dimples and douchebag. Shana would normally have some sharp retort to put his sorry ass to shame, but she'd just been blindsided. She simply got up and stormed out, letting him finish cleaning up the massive pile of paper on the floor.

Shana had the strong desire to make someone's life hell. She'd missed her chance with Jason, but at least she had... _what's the brat's name again?_ Nick McCullers had already been texting the girl. Shana flipped open the folder.

_Paige. Paige McCullers._

* * *

Paige left the tension of the coffee shop, to start an uncomfortable phone call with her dad. He'd made the arrangements quickly. He was sending Shana, a promising junior staffer, to PR Paige back onto the straight and narrow. As Paige walked home, she felt more anxious than she thought the situation had warranted. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled up as she passed the fountain, she sped up her pace, suddenly concerned that she was being watched.

She got back to the dorm and buried herself in one of Emily's Christmas gift books, _Bel Canto_. Paige was pleased to find a lush escape in a book about hostages. She must have fallen asleep reading at her desk, because the next thing she knew, she was jolted awake.

"Open it," a voice demanded as something slammed onto the desk next to Paige. Paige jolted up, groggy, confused, wiping a bit of spittle off the corner of her mouth. There was Emily, standing next to her, bathed in light from the finishing sunset, her finger tapping down on the wide, shallow wooden box next to Paige. On the upside, Paige hadn't napped into the night. On the downside, Emily looked fucking furious. "Open it right now."

Pru had left the coffee shop shortly after Paige. Emily tried to focus on her homework. But the more she wanted to concentrate, the more she thought about Paige. Paige the coward, who was going back in the closet. Paige leading on Collin, who she said she hated kissing. Paige who was so awkward and non confrontational that neither of them could be in their shared dorm for longer than a few minutes. _It was total bullshit,_ Emily thought as she stomped her way back to her dorm after the coffee shop closed. She replayed so many things over the last term. Paige was an asshole for stringing her along all term and Emily had enough.

"But, Em..." Paige began stammering.

"It's mine, right? For me?" Emily challenged. She was too fed up to worry about crossing a line or to think about how the box was taken, not given.

"Of course it is." Paige had finally gotten herself straightened out. This was shaping into the longest conversation they'd had since she got back to school. "It's a puzzle, you're supposed to figure it out," she gave a stubborn shrug. It would have taken Paige weeks to open the damn thing without instructions, so she wasn't too worried. This response was apparently the worst way to satiate Emily, who gave Paige a sharp pinch on the arm.

"Ow!" Paige yelled, overly dramatic. This version of Emily was simultaneously terrifying and sexy. Paige was leaning towards sexy. She also felt guilty about everything she'd put her best friend through these last few weeks. "Okay, okay," Paige picked up the box, looking it over and mumbling, "I guess violence will get you everywhere." Emily seemed to relax slightly, grabbing a chair and pulling it next to Paige. Paige had practiced about twenty times before rewrapping the box. It was just a matter of finding the right seams in the pattern...

"Where did you get it?" Emily asked, pulling up her desk chair, apparently confident enough that Paige was going to open it now. "I mean, its gorgeous," Emily bit her lip, nervously now. She'd spent the evening running on so much resentment for Paige, that she'd convinced herself that Paige would try to take the box back. Now that Paige was opening it, she didn't really know what to do with herself. She watched Paige working. Emily was a mess of excitement, nerves and infatuation.

"Japan," Paige smiled. She'd gone looking for it after starting Emily's Christmas gift. She thought it would make her gift more coherent, and, frankly, a lot less lame, "Etsy." Paige felt Emily scoot closer. The girl was warm next to her, easing Paige's mind. Emily was the warm summer day you dream about all winter.

"Its amazing, Paige," Emily said quietly next to Paige's ear, leaning close to see what the other girl was doing. She was letting herself get a little giddy about the gift for the first time since The Night With No End. A couple parts of the boxe were now out of place, but the next wouldn't budge. Paige was haplessly chasing down her muscle memory on this box; Emily getting closer every second wasn't helping her focus.

"I thought it would be funny to put the instructions inside," Paige explained, shaking her head at her own stupidity. "Now its been so long..." Paige was also speaking quietly, they were so close now. She slid another bit out of place, having to slide the first piece in to let the whole side slide up. "Yess..."

Paige started easing the open container out, but before she could reveal what was inside, she felt Emily's hand on hers. "Start over," Emily demanded, "teach me how to do it?"

"Whoa, bossy," Paige teased and Emily pouted.

"Sorry. I've just been..." Emily bit her lip, not really sure what had set her off.

"S'okay. I think I've got it now," Paige closed the box and slid the pieces back into place, handing it to Emily. Paige was careful not to let their hands touch too much. This was going to be bad enough as it was. Paige wondered why she had made it such a chore for Emily to reject her. She might be afraid, but waiting around was much worse. Emily got to the final step on her own. She'd obviously been paying attention during Paige's struggle.

"Should I open it?" Emily asked, eager yet tentative. Paige shrugged.

"Its really not that cool. The box was definitely the highlight," Paige explained. Emily pulled off the top of the box. Inside sat a small notebook and a USB drive labelled MixTape. She flipped open the book to see handwriting on every page.

Paige couldn't watch, but she managed to mumble an explanation, "I had a lot of time during break. And I wanted to be distracted from my dad..."

Emily read something that made her chuckle and Paige smiled. "Paige it's wonderful," she beamed at the girl. The book was filled with quotes and puzzles. There was a choose-your-own adventure and even jigsaw pieces in a little envelope.

"Well, you're supposed to work through it starting from the beginning, Fields," Paige managed, her tone gaining a bit of confidence.

"You made all of these?" Emily asked. Paige smiled and gave a shrug.

"I was pretty bored," she discounted. She didn't hint at her ulterior motive. She had so much that she wanted to say to Emily, but, Paige could never bring herself to write it down. So, she started making puzzles. There was a learning curve to putting them together. They were silly and fun, and Paige occasionally escaped her dreary over-decorated bedroom to live in the giddiness of her friendship and love for Emily. Essentially, the whole thing was an overly self-aware, sappy-ass cryptograph-love-letter that she had to hide in an impossible box, just to have the guts to _think_ about giving it to Emily. Now that Emily had taken it, Paige was starting to feel nervous about it again. _How could I write something so trite? What if Emily laughs at it? Maybe Emily would think it was a joke. I could play it like that..._ Paige tried to swallow down her insecurities. What's done is done. She easily diverted her energy to looking at this beautiful, happy girl. "Don't skip ahead, Fields," Paige warned with a cocked eyebrow. "It tells a story..."

"The story has dinosaurs?" Emily asked, clearly having found the dino connect-the-dots.

"Um, its.. part of a very sophisticated overarching narrative, yes." Emily laughed. "Still, you hear me about the order of things, Fields?"

Emily smiled and nodded. Pleased with the fruits of her victory. "I hear ya, McCullers. What about this supposed mixtape?"

"Well, its not my entire music collection, if thats what you're asking," Paige replied, cockly, "this is no musical u-haul," she continued, hoping Emily didn't see her blush.

"Of course not. You're much too sophisticated for that. I'm just glad its not an actual tape, old timer," Emily teased back, "What mood should I be in to listen to it?"

"It's the perfect sorority party mix," Paige stated, keeping a straight face.

"Oooohkay, a Paige McCullers party mix. I'll save it for a quiet night of studying," Emily teased, assuming it was probably folksy indie stuff. Paige tried to act indignant, making a swipe to take it back. Paige hadn't prepared herself for Emily grabbing her into a hard hug. "I love the gift, Paige," _it might be the most thoughtful thing I've ever gotten._

Paige hugged Emily back. No matter what Emily decided when she finished the book of puzzles, Paige was determined to be glad. After all, Emily deserved to know that Paige had loved her from the start.

* * *

Paige tinkered with the rainbow bracelet Pru had given her and tapped her leg frantically. Shana flew in that afternoon, a day earlier than planned. She took a shuttle to campus. Paige got a text in the middle of her class. She felt so ill prepared and exposed, sitting in the mostly-empty cafe sipping coffe with her new 'best friend.' Her nervousness wasn't quelled by the way Shana outright stared at Paige. "You're not used to this much caffeine, huh?" the older girl asked.

"Um, no. I swim." Paige stated, as if she could make sense at this point.

"Really? I used to swim on my college team," Shana leaned back, now openly appraising Paige's physique, assessing this new element. She honestly hadn't bothered to do more than skim her research materials. Since this task was going to be a piece of cake, she figured she'd watch some kung fu on her laptop instead. But now that she was actually sitting in front of Paige McCullers, and finding her kind of cute at that... Shana was sensing that the rumors about Paige were true, she was starting to realize she needed a more cohesive strategy.

"Oh, cool. Who for?" Paige asked, trying to re-gain control of the situation, determined not to wilt under Shana's gaze.

"Stanford," Shana smiled, seemingly kindly, "we kicked some ass." Paige smiled as well, slightly more at ease. Shana got the feeling that Paige thought they were bonding, so she decided to pounce. "So, you're a lesbian?" Shana asked outright, dead serious. Paige's eyes shot up and she quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening.

"_No._" Paige snapped, jaw clenched, looking Shana square in the eyes.

"Honest people don't answer that fast," Shana said, calmly, with a small smile.

"Most people know their answer to that question," Paige retorted.

"What's that on your wrist, then?"

"A bracelet."

"Meaning..."

"I like rainbows. I'm an ally. _My Little Ponies_ is surprisingly insightful," Paige listed off.

Shana grimaced at the smartass remarks. This was ridiculous. Looking over Paige, taking in her obnoxious black "Live to ride, Ride to Live" cut-off t-shirt. The girl wasn't even trying to hide her preference. She was just being obstinate for no reason. _Or for some reason..._ "Shit. Your dad already knows, doesn't he," Shana took her voice down to a whisper. This was an unexpected turn, certainly not in her notes. Paige looked down at her pancakes. "We can't talk here. Take me to your dorm." Shana demanded. Nick McCullers was more of a dick than she'd initially predicted.

The got to Paige's dorm quickly, and Shana looked over the room like she owned the place. "Sorry to say it but, people are already on to your whole _gay_ thing," Shanwa explained, slamming her travel mug onto Paige's desk and taking a seat. Paige was shocked at how comfortable she'd immediately gotten in her space. "Some anonymous ass sent every news outlet Facebook pics of you getting cozy with some girl..." Shana flipped open her book, "Fields. Ah, your roommate. Paige, you dog..." Shana smirked. She was starting to get a plan together.

Paige instantly turned red. "There isn't anything going on that's..."

"Incriminating? You're right. But it got their attention. Haven't you felt a little... watched lately?"

Paige nodded, silently.

"Why else do you think I'm here?" Shana asked.

Paige didn't know what to say, so she just shrugged. She was scrolling through her memory of people who would do this. Spencer? Collin? Maya. No, no one is that horrible.

"So you're thinking through your enemies?"

"I don't have enemies, but... I'm not exactly..."

"Likeable. I noticed," Shana shrugged. Paige was getting even more irritated. She wasn't used to constant verbal barbs.

Paige huffed, "Are you going to finish all my sentences with something-"

"Honest? Yes." Shana smiled, drumming her fingers on the girl's. Well, maybe this _was_ going to be fun.


End file.
